Peter McKay from Creators Syndicate

Hairline Fracture for 01/01/2008

Tue, 01 Jan 2008 00:00:00 -0800

As anyone who has seen me, or my picture in the paper, can testify, I have what can only be described as a monstrously huge forehead. And it's getting worse by the month as my hairline recedes further and further back across my cranium, racing to the point where it will eventually meet up with the back of my neck. My only real comfort is that, if this keeps up, I won't have to worry about a hai ...

Updated: Tue Jan 01, 2008

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Budget Crisis for 01/08/2008

Tue, 08 Jan 2008 00:00:00 -0800

On New Year's Eve this year, instead of going out for an expensive night on the town, my wife and I went to a "progressive" dinner party in our neighborhood, one of those parties where you start at one house for appetizers, another for soup, another for an entree. I hated it.

Don't get me wrong. The food was great, the people were great, and the champagne was, as champagne alwa ...

Updated: Tue Jan 08, 2008

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Dear John for 01/15/2008

Tue, 15 Jan 2008 00:00:00 -0800

After 15 years of living with a decaying old wreck of a kids' bathroom, my wife and I decided last week to finally bite the bullet and have someone come in and do a full renovation.

I'd been limping along on homemade repairs and upgrades forever, installing a new toilet and vanity, and even replacing a section of the tub wall that had decayed with new, almost-but-not-quite matching tile. ...

Updated: Tue Jan 15, 2008

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All Day Suckers for 01/22/2008

Tue, 22 Jan 2008 00:00:00 -0800

In one of the biggest stories of the past week, doctors recommended that parents not give cold medicines to kids under 2 years old. The medicines could have fatal side effects, the doctors said, and besides … they never actually worked anyway. Evidently it was an open secret in the medical community, but it never got out to the rest of us until we were at risk of knocking off our offspring. The ...

Updated: Tue Jan 22, 2008

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Don't Be Mad, But… for 01/29/2008

Tue, 29 Jan 2008 00:00:00 -0800

The worst words any person can hear in marriage (other than, of course, "Hey, honey, what's the FedEx guy doing upstairs?") are usually delivered in a singsong kind of voice and always, always precede some sort of bad news. Those four words are: "Don't be mad, but…"

Over the years, my wife has said these words to me many, many times. They are usually followed by somet ...

Updated: Tue Jan 29, 2008

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Seek and Ye Shall Find for 02/05/2008

Tue, 05 Feb 2008 00:00:00 -0800

The story you are about to hear is true. The names have been changed to protect the innocent.

We were out to dinner this past weekend with another couple who have kids our kids' ages. Our children have virtually grown up side by side, going back and forth between houses on weekends and spending days at a time together during summer. In fact, while we were out, our 11-year-old twin daught ...

Updated: Tue Feb 05, 2008

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HD DOA for 02/12/2008

Tue, 12 Feb 2008 00:00:00 -0800

Last Valentine's Day, as we were walking around a local store, my wife turned to me and asked, out of the blue, if I wanted to get a big HDTV set. I hugged her so hard, I swear I heard one of her ribs snap. I rushed to the TV department, picked out a set that was just a little bit bigger than my wife wanted and about half the size of the one I wanted, and drove home so fast that I left a skid m ...

Updated: Tue Feb 12, 2008

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House of the Future for 02/19/2008

Tue, 19 Feb 2008 00:00:00 -0800

I recently read that this year Disneyland is reintroducing the House of the Future, a computerized home that will anticipate every need of our future offspring's offspring. I just sighed.

The original House of the Future, which opened in 1957, lasted for only 10 years. It looked like a giant cheese wheel with a piece cut out and was filled with hands-free phones, wall-sized televisions, ...

Updated: Tue Feb 19, 2008

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Take a Break! for 02/26/2008

Tue, 26 Feb 2008 00:00:00 -0800

This past week, I was planning an important business meeting with a hard-to-pin-down contact.

"How 'bout next Monday at three?" I said, jotting it in my calendar.

" My office is closed that day," he replied.

"Really?" I asked, thinking he was ditching me (again). "Why?"

"Let's see. … Here it is — Washington's Birthda ...

Updated: Tue Feb 26, 2008

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Dust in the Wind for 03/04/2008

Tue, 04 Mar 2008 00:00:00 -0800

This year, my wife and I decided that we finally had to do something about our old run-down house. Over the past 15 years, we've done bits and pieces of renovation, mostly by ourselves, and the results have been disappointing (for my wife) and aggravating (for me).

So for the first time, we went to our friendly (too friendly, I think, given how much I was asking for) bank officer, took o ...

Updated: Tue Mar 04, 2008

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Oh, Waitress! for 03/11/2008

Tue, 11 Mar 2008 00:00:00 -0700

This past Saturday, with our kitchen out of commission for a second week due to a major home renovation, we decided our kids had probably had enough of cereal out of Styrofoam bowls, and might appreciate a real breakfast out. We roused them from their beds and drove off to a big chain restaurant, the kind of place with a breakfast bar where you can eat an entire week's worth of eggs, waffles an ...

Updated: Tue Mar 11, 2008

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Selective Amnesia for 03/18/2008

Tue, 18 Mar 2008 00:00:00 -0700

Every once in a while, when talking to my wife, I'll bring up something unpleasant that happened years before. "Remember…?" I'll say, bringing up some event at which I still shake my head. Inevitably, she'll shrug and tell me she has absolutely no memory of the stressful event. She claims she has a magical ability to block out things she doesn't want to remember, to pretend so ...

Updated: Tue Mar 18, 2008

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Stupid Dog! for 03/25/2008

Tue, 25 Mar 2008 00:00:00 -0700

Things around our house have been completely unsettled for more than a month during our kitchen renovation, with everything that used to be in our kitchen now piled up in our dining room. The process has been stressful for the entire family, but it's been particularly unsettling for our scruffy, old Westie Harry, who was never really all that well-balanced when things were settled.

Harry ...

Updated: Tue Mar 25, 2008

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Secrets of a Happy House for 04/01/2008

Tue, 01 Apr 2008 00:00:00 -0700

For about a week there, the entire country was talking about Eliot Spitzer, the former governor of New York and future unemployed, lonely, divorced dad. I found the story as fascinating as everybody else did, following every revelation and press conference like it actually had some meaning to my own life.

The frustrating part for me, however, was the aftermath, as every talk show host, e ...

Updated: Tue Apr 01, 2008

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Save Me, Federal Reserve! for 04/08/2008

Tue, 08 Apr 2008 00:00:00 -0700

Two big stories caught my eye this past week. And suddenly, for the first time, I feel like I understand the whole money thing.

First, in a secret weekend action, the Federal Reserve moved quickly to throw dollars (30 billion of them!) at Bear Stearns, an investment bank that suddenly found itself without anything to invest. Seems the Bear Stearns guys were taking suckers' investment sav ...

Updated: Tue Apr 08, 2008

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Free Delivery for 04/15/2008

Tue, 15 Apr 2008 00:00:00 -0700

Living around the corner from my in-laws over the years, I've been the beneficiary of all kinds of great stuff. We've had babysitters at the drop of a hat and someone to watch over our house when we were on vacation. And our kids get regular supplies of homemade cookies and cakes. Whenever I don't have a tool I need, I can borrow it from my father-in-law, who has a workshop that would make Norm ...

Updated: Tue Apr 15, 2008

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Living in a Tight Knit Family for 04/22/2008

Tue, 22 Apr 2008 00:00:00 -0700

Around our house, we have a division of labor that's common in most American families. My wife does some things she's better at, like laundry, while I do some things I'm not better at, like fixing faucets and killing bugs.

I don't want to actually do my laundry myself. (To be honest, I don't actually know how to do my own laundry.) And for the most part, I have few complaints. Like most ...

Updated: Tue Apr 22, 2008

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Quick, Robin! To the Mancave! for 04/29/2008

Tue, 29 Apr 2008 00:00:00 -0700

About a year and a half ago, I came up with a brilliant idea. My wife worked at home as a journalist, but her home office was located in a cramped little room at the back of our house. It was cold in the winter, hot in the summer, and too close to kids, distractions, and, as she pointed out, me.

We had an old detached garage, however, at the very back of our property. The garage was buil ...

Updated: Tue Apr 29, 2008

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Gas Pains for 05/06/2008

Tue, 06 May 2008 00:00:00 -0700

Last week, I ran out to the supermarket in my wife's station wagon and noticed that the tank was empty. I stopped off to fill it up, and while the gas was running, washed all the windows with the little squeegee thing they have. When I heard the gas pump click off, I turned and glanced at the pump, and nearly had a heart attack right there in the self-serve lane. The little red numbers blinked ...

Updated: Tue May 06, 2008

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The Lawn Goodbye for 05/13/2008

Tue, 13 May 2008 00:00:00 -0700

Just like everybody else, I've been feeling the pinch of a constrained economy, rising gas prices and a virtually stagnant career. (Oh, wait, that last one's just me.) I've been looking around for ways to cut back. Just this past week, in fact, I had to cancel the lawn service.

The problem is that my lawn service has been, for the past few years, my 14-year-old son. When he started volun ...

Updated: Tue May 13, 2008

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