Dear John: I've had a good relationship going with a woman I've known for almost a year now. We've been dating for the last six months. Lately, though, after I found out about a couple of lies that she told me before we were dating, I have been questioning everything she does which she is getting tired of quickly. You see, my last relationship was with a girl who lied constantly and cheated on me.

Needless to say, now I'm paranoid. The last thing I want is to be humiliated and hurt in my new relationship. I really don't think that my new girlfriend is the type to hurt me, but I haven't been able to keep my mouth shut. What do I do? I care too much to drive her away like this. Can you help me (us)? -- Still Hurting, in Boise, Idaho

Dear Still Hurting: You're right to suspect that you have not healed from the hurt of your past relationship. You've now convinced yourself that all women are not worthy of your trust, yet on a deeper level, you know that this is not true. It's not fair to judge one person by the actions of another. The problem here, as I discuss in "Mars Venus Starting Over," is when you don't forgive a past partner and heal from the pain that hurt caused, you carry that blame forward into your next relationship. This is unfair to you and to her. Please give your new partner the benefit of the doubt. She deserves a second chance with you -- and you deserve a second chance at love.

Dear John: I'm in high school, and I'm caught between two women! I've been with my current girlfriend for almost a year now, and I've been talking to this other girl for about a month. My current girl is the most caring, understanding and beautiful girl I've ever known. This other girl is just someone with whom I like to talk -- yet I don't really want to see the other girl with anyone else.

I told the other girl that I felt we should cool it, and she acted like she wanted to cry. She did not care what happened, but I can tell she's hurt. Now I'm feeling guilty for not telling her in the beginning that I had a girlfriend. I love my girlfriend, but I'm really starting to like this new girl. Frankly, I don't want to be with two women. What should I do now? -- Big Dude on Campus, in Alpharetta, Ga.

Dear Big Dude: You care for and respect your current girlfriend, but you have an attraction to this new girl. You're also flattered that she has an obvious attraction to you. You're beginning to learn about the tough choices that we have to make once we decide to enter into a committed relationship. Welcome to the life of a young adult.

In our late teens and early 20s, often our relationships are like bumper cars at an amusement park: only sometimes you bump a lot harder than you thought you could, and you get hurt, or you hurt others in ways you never thought you would.

When you move into your 20s, you'll discover that there will be times in your life in which you should be getting to know yourself better, and learning what you want and need in a relationship. My advice: Ask for a timeout from your current girlfriend. See her, but see others as well. You'll probably have many relationships before your heart lands in the place where it truly wants to stay, so enjoy the journey.

"Politically Correct Coupledom"

Do politics make strange bedfellows? In a recent Mars Venus/Redbook poll of 2,748 women, 70 percent of participants say that they share their politics with the person with whom they share their bed. However, another 23 percent say that this is one area in which they can't agree, but it does not get in the way of love, lust and lovemaking, However, it causes enough tension with the final 7 percent that it is most definitely a taboo subject.

Full results are shown below. To take parting this week's Mars Venus/ Redbook poll, log on to http://www.redbookmag.com

Will you and your guy cast identical votes in the upcoming election?

Yes. We share our politics, too. 70 percent

No, and that's OK. 23 percent

No, we don't see eye to eye, and we NEVER discuss politics. 7 percent

Total votes: 2,748

NOTE: Because poll percentages are rounded, total values may not work out to 100 percent. Poll results are not scientific and reflect only the opinions of those users who choose to partake.

John Gray is the author of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus." If you have a question, write to John in care of this newspaper or by e-mail at: www.marsvenus.com. All questions are kept anonymous and will be paraphrased. To find out more about John Gray and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2008 JOHN GRAY'S MARS VENUS ADVICE

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