Dear John: Do men respect you, or even like it, if you ask them for a date? I've been attracted to someone at for a year now. We are both in our forties. I can assume that he can't ask me out due to office policy, but now that I’ve left the company, should I be so forward as to ask him out? — Different Circumstances, in Boston, Mass.

Dear Different Circumstances: On the issue of whether or not men mind being asked out on dates, believe me, most men are flattered. That said, there is no reason why you could not suggest a casual get-together. After all, he may not have been aware of your interest, and it might indeed be reciprocated. As with all first-date situations, approach this as a casual friendship until he makes it clear that he is also attracted to you. Then you both can move on to a circumstance that is more exclusive.

Dear John: I've been married to "Greta" for two years. I am 44 and she is 35, and this is the first marriage for both of us. At first, she managed the finances and we pooled our money, but Greta could not stop bouncing checks. Finally, during one of our fights about money, she got upset at me, and told me that she did not like the way I managed the money. The next day, we separated our money and opened individual accounts. It's been that way now for six months. We split everything 50/50, and we write checks to each other to stay "even." When I first met Greta, I found her a job when she relocated with me to another state where I accepted a good-paying job. I make more money than she does. We have two vehicles that are being financed, and we put both in her name so she could establish credit. Recently I brought the subject up of combining our money again, and she told me that every time she has ever done that with a man, it hasn't worked out. I am hurt by this statement, and it's made me consider a separation. Please advise me. —Uneven Stephen, in Port Townsend, Wash.

Dear Uneven Stephen: According to many polls, a couple's financial status is the number one cause of arguments in their relationship. You two seem to fall into this majority.

In your case, a good credit record is more important to you than it is to Greta, and her bounced checks scared you enough to agree to the separation of your bank accounts. More than the adamant statement she made, your disappointment in how she handles money now has you reconsidering the marriage as a whole.

All marriages have some issues of concern. Your marriage is still young, and both of you will be discovering things about each other that are disappointing, and you're learning to compromise on issues, or trying to work around personal weaknesses. That's all part of developing a healthy relationship, so don't let one statement Greta made in anger be a reason to walk away.

At the same time, I advise you not to try to "fix" Greta. You're not her mother, so don't try to "protect" her from her fate, even if it involves a damaged credit standing. While it was noble of you to arrange for Greta to carry both auto payments to establish credit, should she default on these payments, you might be out your car. Now that the accounts are separate, you can — and should — take other steps to control your credit standing. Ask your accountant or a credit counselor for suggestions, and hope that, over time, your financial instincts will rub off on her.

John Gray is the author of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus." If you have a question, write to John in care of this newspaper or by e-mail at: www.marsvenus.com. All questions are kept anonymous and will be paraphrased. To find out more about John Gray and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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