Dear John: My husband is a WONDERFUL lover, really — except for one thing: I can't get him interested in foreplay. I don't want him to feel as though I think his loving is not pleasing me, but, gosh, I miss his touches and the sweet kisses and neck nuzzles! I sometimes wonder if perhaps I'm not appealing enough to touch! Any suggestions? — Married to Mr. Wham-Bam, in Richmond, Va.

Dear Married to Mr. Wham-Bam: No, it's not you, so don't worry about that. Women are always puzzled by the fact that men don't enjoy the sensuality of foreplay in the way they do. The male's basic motivation is intercourse, and only a man who has been carefully educated by a woman in the finer acts of intimacy will tend to expand his menu of sexual delights beyond copulation. Commit yourself to taking him through this process, and remember to be patient, positive and subtle to the point that you're leading him without creating the feeling that you're teaching him. In the past I've made many suggestions on how this can be done and my book "Mars and Venus in the Bedroom" deals with this subject, as does a host of other written materials. The bottom line: You can expand his sexual menu, but you have to do it one course at a time.

Dear John: A few months ago I met "Brad" online. He says that he is in love with me, although I'm not in love with him. In fact, I have never met him. Every time I try to end the relationship, he threatens to end his life. One night he actually made me think he shot himself while we were talking on the telephone: I heard a bang, then silence! Last night he told me that if I don't come to him, he will have a friend send me an e-mail, so that I'd get word that he killed himself. How do I end this? Should I just change my e-mail address? I'm frightened that my actions will cause a man to end his life! — Blameless in Newport Beach, Calif.

Dear Blameless: Brad's issues are over your head and beyond your control. When you're in deep water, the wise thing to do is swim to shore — and fast. He needs the help of a professional counselor and therapist. You should encourage him to call the National Suicide Prevention LifeLine (http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/). The 24-hour phone number is 1-888-628-9454 (TALK).

I would end the online relationship, but tell him that you plan to do so just prior to changing your e-mail address. While you mention a phone conversation, I'm going to assume you call him and that he does not have your phone number. If he does, however, you can ask the phone company to block a call to your phone made from his number. Leave it at that and don't offer help that you know you are not prepared or professionally qualified to give.