Dear John: I've been dating "Herb" for eight months. He proposed two months after we met, and we are going to get married as soon as his divorce is finalized. He moved in with me and my roommate so that we could begin saving for a house. At that time, he suggested that I get rid of anything that I "could be sorry to have." Then he went through all my personal diaries, read them and destroyed all of them. He also destroyed all pictures of my ex-boyfriends. I'm a grown-up woman who has been married twice and in love at other times, yet Herb was shocked that I've had five other intimate relationships in my life. He also checks all my cell phone calls and shows up when I don't expect him. Every single call I make, I first have to explain to him whom I am calling, and why. Now he's talking of having children immediately, even though we're not yet married. What should I do? — Miss, Not Mrs. Yet, in New Haven, Conn.

Dear Miss: Many of the actions you've described indicate that he has the tendency to be an emotionally abusive person. Do yourself a favor and remove yourself from this relationship as fast as possible.

This may be easier to do when someone else is around, such as a family member or your roommate. You can make it clear to him that things are moving too fast for you, and that his actions aren't conducive to those which you seek in a partner. Your voice should be calm. Don't express anger or blame, just your resolution about your decision.

If you need tips or support before you meet with him on this issue, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline (http://www.ndvh.org/) at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). This organization will suggest a local counselor in the area, and give you safety tips.

After you've separated from him, you need to address the self-esteem issues that may have led you to accept his proposal so quickly. Again, a licensed counselor can help you through this process. We all make mistakes. The sooner you get out of this one, the better you'll be.

Dear John: For the past few months I have been seeing a younger guy. He is 28, and I am 37. I was married for ten years. I have two daughters, ages 11 and 8. He has never been married, and he has no children. I really enjoy his company, but I try not to lose sight of the differences in our lives, yet my heart says, "hold on," this is wonderful. Which part of me is right? — Puma with Questions, in Denver, Colo.

Dear Puma with Questions: Right now, your physical and emotional needs are in sync with his own. However, as you move into your 50s, 60s, and beyond, that may not always be the case.

If you are looking for a relationship that may last ten or more years, this age difference may in fact be a deterrent to that goal. For example, some day he may want to have a child of his own, whereas another childbirth might not appeal to you.

On the other hand, nothing in life is guaranteed. Even if you were to find a soul mate closer in age, circumstance may dictate that you might not be together for several decades. If you are willing to live in the moment and get from this relationship what you need now, one day at a time, then you've found a relationship that fits that need.

John Gray is the author of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus." If you have a question, write to John in care of this newspaper or by e-mail at: www.marsvenus.com. All questions are kept anonymous and will be paraphrased. To find out more about John Gray and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2008 JOHN GRAY'S MARS VENUS ADVICE

DISTRIBUTED BY CREATORS SYNDICATE, INC.