Dear John: I just met a woman online and she sounds and looks like my type. However, she has accomplished a lot in her life, and that intimidates me because I just lost my job and I am living with my parents. Actually I haven't been able to move out since my divorce five years ago. How can I overcome this fear? — Insecure, in Minneapolis, Minn.

Dear Insecure: I'm sure that you have many accomplishments and that in the past you've made lots of contributions to your professional life, your community, or to causes that are important to you. Do you have hobbies that interest you? How about any special talents? Do you indeed have professional goals? Self-assurance is what keeps others interested in us. Don't be afraid to be yourself. The only thing holding you back is you.

Dear John: After three years of marriage, my husband informed me that he did not love me, and that he has never truly loved me since the marriage. I come from a very stable family and have never been exposed to this sort of thing before.

However, he comes from a family background of divorce. His mother has had issues with ex-husbands and ex-boyfriends. All in all, I am concerned about the well-being and stability of my 4-year-old daughter. I am worried about my inability to support her in this situation or how to acknowledge her feelings or gauge her understanding of what is happening at this point. I am coping the best I know how, and, as an adult, I can accept this ending better than I feel my daughter will. I also know there may come a time for some counseling for her. How do I make this as bearable a transition as I can for her? — Mom Going Solo, in Austin, Texas

Dear Mom Going Solo: You are devastated about your situation, and are feeling hurt and angry. I do hope you'll follow through with counseling for your child, and for yourself as well.

The issues your husband may have don't have to be issues for your daughter as she becomes an adult. To nurture a positive outlook on relationships in your daughter, please remember that children have very strong emotional "radar." They pick up on our anger, fear and hurt. The messages you want your child to receive is that both you and your husband love her, and that neither of you is leaving her. Ideally, you'll avoid making negative statements about your husband in front of your child, and encourage him to stay active in the girl's life.

Please pick up my book, "Mars and Venus Starting Over." It gives these and other suggestions as to how parents can support their children through this very traumatic event. My heart and thoughts are with you.