Dear John: I am 47, and deeply involved with a 38-year-old man, "Steve." The relationship has been absolutely the most wonderful one I've ever had. Although I've been married before (I've been divorced for 15 years), Steve has never been married or deeply involved with anyone. We are totally in tune with each other. Although I chose to believe that everyone has a soul mate out there, I never thought that I would ever happen upon mine. He feels the same way.

We are presently discussing marriage. Although neither of us have any hang-ups over the difference in our age, I guess, somewhere in the dark recesses of my mind, I wonder if this will become a problem in the future. Can the age difference matter much further down the line if a couple's commitment is this strong? — This Cougar has found her Cub, in San Francisco, Calif.

Dear Cougar: It's a shame that society is so willing to accept the idea of older men with younger women, but can be skeptical of a reverse scenario. As long as both of you are willing to ignore what others may think, and Steve understands that your childbearing may not be part of the picture, the relationship should thrive. After all, you've already done the math. I don't have to tell you that a nine-year age difference can present both physical and emotional challenges at varying stages of your lives together. If you are willing to acknowledge these possibilities and take each day as it comes, as with any relationship, only time will tell if your two hearts will stay strongly entwined.

Dear John: My husband and I have been married a year. I have always found him extremely attractive, even before we were married. The problem is that he expects us to have sex every night, whether I feel like it or not. I have tried talking to him and explaining that I obviously don't have the same sexual drive that he does, however, he gets upset, claiming that I must not find him attractive enough to make love every night. However, that is far from the truth. I know that if I say I don't feel like doing anything tonight, that he will get upset, and then an argument will follow. We are both in our early 30s and we have both been married prior to this marriage. I have tried several times to explain that I love him but that I don't want to have sex every night, and I have also tried to point out that statistically, newly married couples' lovemaking, after their first year of marriage, typically declines. However, this doesn't go well with him either. I am desperate to resolve this matter with my husband, I love him very much but I feel that this is starting to cause some resentment on my part. — Tuckered out, in Lebanon, Tenn.

Dear Tuckered Out: It's quite common for partners to have differing sex drives. The answer is to discuss this issue openly — which means not during lovemaking — and to find a happy medium that works for both partners. For example, would you be comfortable with sex two, three, or four times a week? Start negotiating. Then, decide on two "must have" days — which should increase anticipation on both your parts — and one or more "wild card" days — which will encourage spontaneity.

Although it shouldn't be, sex is sometimes a touchy issue. Daily stress and other factors may keep us from being "in the mood," but we have to remember that life is built on the pursuit of happiness — and nothing makes us happier than being intimate with the one we love. That said, remember: Regular sex does not necessarily mean great sex. That comes through passion, discovery and variety. With an open heart and open mind, these moments of intimacy can be the just dessert of a wonderful marriage.

John Gray is the author of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus." If you have a question, write to John in care of this newspaper or by e-mail at: www.marsvenus.com. All questions are kept anonymous and will be paraphrased. To find out more about John Gray and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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