Dear John: I have a great marriage except for one big issue: my husband, "Pete" spends most of the weekend days at his mother's house. I have a great relationship with my mother-in-law, but this still bothers me. I realize Pete helps her with projects and chores, and that he has no idiosyncrasies, but it's killing me that he will not establish some limits on his time for the sake of our family. Our three kids are growing out of the baby stage, and I need Pete to commit to staying home, and not just on week nights, but he says he won't change. It hurts me that he will not even talk to me about it. Any suggestions? — Sharing My Man, in Dunwoody, Ga.

Dear Sharing My Man: It's quite admirable that your husband takes the time to do chores for his aging mother, and I assume you don't begrudge him his consideration of her. At the same time, for him to be gone every weekend is a little over the top. It would seem that he is looking for a legitimate excuse to get away from interacting with his own family.

Believe it or not, some young fathers feel uncomfortable around their own toddlers. They have yet to establish a bond with their children, and don't have any idea on how or where to start. Instead of admitting this, they deal with their fear by running away.

To help ease him into the role, do this: First, ask him to set aside one morning of each weekend to relieve you of childcare, so that you may do something for yourself without the children tagging along. This will give him the opportunity to interact with the children on his own. In this manner, he will actually learn by doing.

Next, ask your husband to consolidate his time away by considering helping either one day each weekend, or every other weekend. Then make it a point to invite your mother-in-law over to your house at least one weekend day each month. This takes away his excuse to be over there, and gives a grandparent what she wants — time with her grandchildren. Watching his mother interact with the children will be a great lesson for him.

Finally, find a reputable baby sitter (perhaps grandma) and make it a point to go out on a date with your husband at least one night every weekend. These steps will help you achieve your true goal: keeping him on a path of loving involvement with his own family.

Dear John: I am married to Marlon, a beautiful, spiritually wonderful man. We both were married before, and have six children between us from our previous marriages. Only one child lives with us. We have been together for six years, but have been separated for six months now, because of his drinking and my anger over it. I feel that I am at a crossroads. I cannot bring myself to divorce Marlon, nor can he do the same, but we both agree we cannot live together with the way things have gone between us. What can I do to change my behavior in terms of my anger so I may be a better, loving and supportive partner for my husband? How can I convince him of my desire and willingness to work on myself to better us? I am truly in love with him and do not desire to live like this any more. Any help/guidance would be greatly appreciated. — In it for the Long Haul, in Raleigh, N.C.

Dear Long Haul: Should you choose to stay in the relationship under the current circumstances, then you should know that, as long as he drinks, you will feel resentment and anger. This is no way to live. You should also recognize that you will not be the one to change Marlon. He must be willing to change himself.

Knowing this, you can now choose your path: You can stay on your current collision course with a life of resentment and unhappiness, or you can make a break now, and by doing so, perhaps motivate him to seek help before it is too late for him and your relationship. To help you with your decision, consider getting in touch with your local chapter of Al-Anon, a non-profit organization that supports substance abusers and their families. This organization's toll-free number is 1-888-4AL-ANON. (www.al-anon.org). This call may be a life-changing decision for both of you.