Dear John: Six months ago, my husband and I moved three hours away from our families. It's the first time that we've been this far away from them, and it has been a very traumatic experience for us and our three kids. Our oldest, an 8-year-old boy, has adjusted to our move rather well, as well as my 2-year old girl, who doesn't care where she is as long as we are together. However, my 3-year old son is having major emotional troubles. He feels the need to follow me around the house wherever I go. I can't leave the room without him under my foot. He cries hysterically if he hears a door open or close, and he refuses to go anywhere without his dad or me. We need some advice on how to deal with this behavior. He is so frightened that we are going to leave him we can't even walk down the street without him freaking out we will lose our home and not know where to find it. I have two other children to attend to and they need my attention as well, but he is monopolizing it. What can I do to reassure him? — Sad Mommy, in Austin, Texas

Dear Sad Mommy: It's quite common for one child to absorb the distress of separation that an entire family feels, then to be the only one to act out this anxiety. I imagine that a 3-year-old who had family within reach could feel that this three-hour distance is very significant. Your goal now should be to demonstrate that this distance is in fact quite manageable.

You can best do this by pursuing regular interaction for the child with those whom he was closest to. Call frequently, and set up weekend visits once a month. Have a grandparent come and stay for a couple of nights, or allow your son to be an overnight guest with them. Your other children should also be allowed to visit. Even if they don't demonstrate his anxiety, they too may miss these relationships. With regular visits, all of you can put the emotional distance you feel into perspective.

Dear John: I was divorced five years ago, and I have two teenagers. For several months now I've been dating a man who must travel internationally, quite frequently, for business. He is out for three weeks, then home for three weeks. He gave up his apartment and put his things in storage. Now when he is home, he stays at our house. However, he insists that we are not in a relationship, although he sometimes refers to me as his "girlfriend." I really have feelings for this man but I am also guarding myself from getting hurt. Please help! — Roomie or Girlfriend? in San Mateo, Calif.

Dear Roomie or Girlfriend: Your home has become a convenient place for this salesman to stay when he is in town. As much as you want a future with him, it's time that you face up to the fact that he does not have the same level of commitment to the relationship.

Men like this rarely change a situation that is comfortable situation unless that change is forced upon them. That part is up to you. If you're happy being a part-time girlfriend in a maybe relationship, you've got your guy. If you recognize that there is more to life, it's time to tell him to ship out and wish him a safe trip. You'll then be open to a guy who's willing to earn a place in your heart.

John Gray is the author of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus." If you have a question, write to John in care of this newspaper or by e-mail at: www.marsvenus.com. All questions are kept anonymous and will be paraphrased. To find out more about John Gray and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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