Dear John: I'm a guy who enjoys puttering around the house. Unfortunately, my wife sees that as a reason to create a massive "to-do" list for me. It's how I spend every weekend now. In fact, she has a habit of adding to it continuously — so much so that I feel overwhelmed and unmotivated. For instance, if I mention that I am going to fix the leaky faucet in the bathroom, she suggests a new sink and extends that into a new shower, tile and relocation of the toilet expanding my half-hour job into a complete remodel. Needless to say, the fun has somehow gone out of it — and the faucet still leaks. I tend to keep my plans from her now. Worse yet, I sometimes snap at her when she adds "the straw that broke the camel's back" to an already busy project day. Then, of course, all work comes to a standstill while we "talk it out," putting me behind schedule and making me resentful. Is this a typical male/female conflict? — Mr. Fix-It, in Indianapolis, Ind.

Dear Mr. Fix-It: While your wife doesn't say it — and she should — she truly does appreciate all you do around the house. Unfortunately she continually sends the wrong message when she brings up the next project without properly acknowledging the work that you are currently doing.

Consider this: Like most women, she has a vision on how her "nest" should look to be its best. Your excellent workmanship demonstrates that yes, her home improvement dreams can come true. When she brings up these projects, it is her way of asking you to buy into her "wish list" for a perfect home. By listening to her, you've given her the initial acknowledgment she craves. That said, don't in any way feel you have an obligation to take it as a command and immediately accomplish these goals. Instead, discuss the realities of your weekend project, and come to a mutual agreement as to how and when both your goals can be met — by you, by her, or by a hired handyman.

Dear John: I have written online to a few women who overseas. Currently, I am physically and emotionally attracted to one: a woman from Korea. I plan on visiting her soon. I must admit that after reading your books, I feel as though my expectations may be unrealistic for finding my true soul mate. Do you think it is possible to find your true love in the course of a few dates over the span of two weeks? — A Few E-mails Away, in Denver, Colo.

Dear A Few E-mails Away: If you read my books, then you already know the answer to your question: No.

Be wary of making a long-term commitment to anyone you've only known for a couple of days. Certainly there are exceptions to every rule, but the wrong impulse may set you back several years in the search to find your true soul mate. Would such impulsiveness be worth it? I think not. Give yourself time to move through all five stages of dating: Attraction, Uncertainty, Exclusivity, Intimacy and Commitment. By doing so, you'll both see the best and worst sides of each other. If, after this, you are both still committed to the relationship, by all means, make your move.

John Gray is the author of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus." If you have a question, write to John in care of this newspaper or by e-mail at: www.marsvenus.com. All questions are kept anonymous and will be paraphrased. To find out more about John Gray and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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