Dear John: In your book "Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus," you talked about men's "caves" and women's "wells." I've noticed this metaphor in my own relationship. Recently, our conflicts have escalated every two or three days. What's happening? — Disconnected, in Albany, Ga.

Dear Disconnected: The problem may be an unresolved issue yet to be addressed by either of you. If you can think of anything that has made you angry or resentful, you need to bring it up as soon as possible. Then again, he may be the one with the issue. The best way to find out is to wait until the two of you are alone and neither of you is in a bad mood. If, in fact, you are the one holding back, tell him why, without blame or anger or guilt. If you feel that he is still holding back, say: "Honey, I've noticed that we've been fighting more frequently. I love you so much, and I don't want anything to stand between us. Is there something you'd like to ask me, or is there something that I need to know?" This lets him know that you are open to hearing any issues. Usually we will hold something in because we fear the response of our partners. Until we can express our fear, we cannot move beyond it, so start talking.

Dear John: I have been in a relationship with "Jeff" for seven years. I am 28 years old, and he is 39. As painful as it is, I know in my heart that he will never marry me. I have tried to compromise with his decision, but now I feel I cannot. I love him, despite the fact that he has always kept me at arm's distance. He says that I take advantage of him, although I have paid my bills from day one. I have never asked for a dime, and he's never offered. He treats me like a child. Everything is always my fault. I have bent over backwards for him, yet he considers me to be the selfish one. He becomes very angry if I have an opinion. He has never physically hurt me, but mentally abuses me. I am an intelligent woman and yet I find myself in a very unhealthy place. I have been depressed for many years, but I am afraid to leave him. I need words of encouragement. — Something is Wrong Here, in Miami, Fla.

Dear Something Is Wrong Here: You fear being alone. I'm sure you've already discussed your situation with your friends or family, and they've offered their support. This time, don't turn it down. You'll need it in order to get out of this situation and onto the next phase of your life. Your letter gives more than enough reason to leave this relationship. One way to convince yourself that you'll be making the right move is to re-address this letter to yourself, and then read it aloud. Please know being alone is a happier existence than staying in the relationship you've described here. The only person left to convince is you, so start listening to your words and to your heart!