Dear John: I have been with "Corey" for six years now. We are both in our 40s. I had just ended a 16-year marriage when we met. It was just a good time for us both at first, but as time went by, we fell in love. We don't live together, but Corey stays with me more than he stays at his place. We get along great, and our love life is terrific. I feel, however, that we've been together too long to be considered "boyfriend and girlfriend." We plan on spending the rest of our lives together, but I can't handle those words anymore. When I suggest we get engaged, he says, "No way." Can you help me come up with a "label" we can both live with? — More Than Just His Girl and His Friend, in Calistoga, Calif.

Dear More: You're not dealing honestly with the real issue here, which is that you want to move ahead with a completely committed relationship. But Corey, for whatever reason(s), does not wish to acknowledge a long-term commitment and wants some wiggle room.

In the past, couples that have long-standing relationships but have decided not to marry would call their partners "significant others." A legal term is common-law spouse. At some point, since you're not satisfied with the "almost engaged" label, or the "together forever maybe" label, you have to clearly and lovingly let Corey know that you want and need the security of a conventional relationship, and let the chips fall where they may. It's your move.

Dear John: How do I convey to my sweetie that I need more caresses, kisses, touching, holding — and real loving? I know he would be willing, but how do I get him to do it without actually saying, "Touch me here, kiss me there, hold me." I have tried moving his hands, and he enjoys the play I do with his body, but I would like him to do the same for me. He seems so content to just lie there and let me love on him. I feel I'm getting half of the love, and the effort is wearing me out! It's left me wondering if it is there. — Puckering Up, in Fairfax, Va.

Dear Puckering Up: You're under the mistaken impression that men are fast learners. Wrong! Most men who are getting what they want will just keep doing what they have done in the past. I appreciate you're telling me what's wrong, but now it's time to tell him. Now, here's the trick: Carefully and lovingly convey your message — over and over again, until he gets it.

Forget the subtle hints, because most men don't do subtle. Don't just move his hands, tell him why this and that makes you feel so great. One idea: Create a romantic night that will take his breath away. Sorry, but you're going to have to make another extra effort in the love department — the candles, the scented oils, the whole thing — and take him through what your needs are. To make him your man of passion, you'll first have to make him feel that he holds the key to all your secret desires. Then he will (dare I say?) rise to the occasion.

John Gray is the author of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus." If you have a question, write to John in care of this newspaper or by e-mail at: www.marsvenus.com. All questions are kept anonymous and will be paraphrased. To find out more about John Gray and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2008 JOHN GRAY'S MARS VENUS ADVICE

DISTRIBUTED BY CREATORS SYNDICATE, INC.