Dear John: My wife, "Tori," has insisted since the beginning that we keep separate bank accounts. We were both previously married. With my former wife, I never had a problem with the comingling of our finances, but apparently Tori's ex-husband used her money without her knowledge, and also ran up big credit card bills. Despite the fact that we've now lived together as man and wife for two years, have purchased a home together and have equal incomes, she insists on separate accounts. This makes joint purchases a hassle for such things as television sets, home computers or even vacations. When these things come up, we have to split it 50/50 or she feels that it's "her television set," and I can't watch it with her. Or, if I don't put gas in her car, I can't drive it. If I don't buy the food, I can't eat it. How petty is that? I'm beginning to feel like a roommate, not a partner. At the same time, I let her use my computer and I don't time her on it. I don't feel I should have to pay for his mistakes. What do you think? — Splitsville, in Macon, Ga.

Dear Splitsville: You're right; you should not be blamed for her ex-husband's actions. She certainly has a trust issue, and trust takes time to rebuild. Until she can feel comfortable again, you can demonstrate your own good faith by suggesting that you consider opening up a third account, this one being a joint account, with matching funds for all of your joint purchases. Set an agreed upon amount that you deposit into this account to cover the basics such as mortgage payments and utilities, and an additional amount to cover a vacation fund and other items. When a mutually agreed-upon purchase is to be made, the funds can come from there. If one of you should want to purchase something that the other doesn't want, the funds will come from your individual account. Again, gaining her trust on this issue won't happen overnight, but keeping your suggestions thoughtful and rational will put you both on the road to healing your differences on this issue.

Dear John: I'm an ex-serviceman in my mid-50s. "Ella," my wife, and I have been married for quarter-century. We have three kids, and I'm still as in love with Ella as the day I met her.

However, I get hit on all the time by other women. I can't figure this out, since I don't flirt, or lead any of them on. But Ella notices it when a woman, as she puts it "is giving you the eye." Lately our 46-year-old neighbor has been very suggestive. How do I handle this? — Just Your Average Joe, in Oxford Miss.

Dear Joe: That kind of charisma is a blessing that I'm sure you appreciate. Most men past 50 miss the days when they would get an occasional glance from a woman passing by.

Many women are attracted to a mature man who exudes self-confidence, good health and a handsome appearance. While they may make a pass, it's still up to you to accept it or graciously pass. Be kind, but keep your distance and eventually women like your lusty neighbor will find the attention she needs from a more appropriate source. From what you say, I assume that, while you are flattered, it does not turn your head. That's great. Your wife's comments may be her way of expressing a mild insecurity. This is the best time to acknowledge your love and devotion, with a caress, a kiss, or a phrase that reminds her why she's your one and only love.

John Gray is the author of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus." If you have a question, write to John in care of this newspaper or by e-mail at: www.marsvenus.com. All questions are kept anonymous and will be paraphrased. To find out more about John Gray and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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