Dear John: I am a fiftyish guy who owns my own business. Recently I started seeing a woman who lives near me. I explained that I saw myself as a loner, and in fact had not had a relationship in the past 18 years or so. I also said that I felt that a transition would be necessary for me to make room in my life for another person. After a few dates and evenings together, she now seems to think that I should be calling or seeing her every day. I, however, still enjoy an evening alone or a weekend doing whatever I want. This Friday evening she joined me as I watched a baseball game on TV, and left after the game was over. Saturday and Sunday I didn't call her. By Monday, she had called to ask if I didn't want to see her anymore! I know that if this relationship is to survive, we need to establish a friendship, but I feel pressured by her desire to spend so much time with me. What should I do? — Space Man, in Roswell, N.M.

Dear Space Man: Every relationship exerts a certain gravitational force on our lives. The real question comes down to this: What do you want for your future? The attraction that you feel to this person is the determining factor, not that you're single at 50 plus, or that you have not had a relationship for a long time. If you give your time to this person out of a sense of guilt or obligation, you will not have a happy partnership. Successful relationships need your care, attention and devotion. When and if someone comes along that merits the effort, believe me, you will know it.

Dear John: Why do nice guys lie to get sex? And once a man has done this to be with you, why does he proceed to lead a female down a twisted road of lies that ultimately ends with her loving him — despite the fact that he doesn't love her back? — Been There, Done That, in Panama City, Fla.

Dear Been There, Done That: Sex is the goal line for many guys in a relationship. The "twisted road of lies," as you call it, is his way of crossing that line as many times as he can before you call off the game. For most men, attraction starts below the waist and works its way up to the heart and mind. For most women, attraction starts in the mind and heart and then heads south. You're going to meet a lot of men who don't want to get serious in a relationship because they want to play out their romantic options.

Life experience helps you to tell the difference from the guys who just want a physical relationship and the guys who want that and much more. Most times, a woman senses this, but chooses to ignore her instincts. You have to decide if you want to keep these relationships going, or if you're ready to wait for a guy who makes it clear that he wants your heart and your mind as well as your body.

"Hush, Hush, Sweet Secret"

According to a recent Mars Venus/Redbook Poll, her lies to him are harmless -- and justified.

Of the 1,880 women who took the poll, 19 percent say that they lie about their weight. Another 19 percent lie about their finances, while 7 percent tell fibs about what they did in any given moment, and 6 percent lie about whom they were with at the time. Another 1 percent won't come clean about their age, while the final 3 percent just can't tell the truth about any of these topics.

The good news: 45 percent of women don't feel the need to lie -- about anything.

Full results are shown below. To take part in this week's Mars Venus/Redbook poll, log on to: http://www.redbookmag.com

What secrets do you keep from him?

My weight.                 19 percent

My age.                 1 percent

My credit card balance.         19 percent

How I spend my time.         7 percent

Who I spend my time with.         6 percent

All of the above.             3 percent

I keep no secrets from him.     45 percent

Total votes                1,880

NOTE: Because poll percentages are rounded, total values may not work out to 100 percent. Poll results are not scientific and reflect only the opinions of those users who choose to partake.

John Gray is the author of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus." If you have a question, write to John in care of this newspaper or by e-mail at: www.marsvenus.com. All questions are kept anonymous and will be paraphrased. To find out more about John Gray and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
COPYRIGHT 2008 JOHN GRAY'S MARS VENUS ADVICE
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