Dear John: I just finished reading your response to "Nervous," whom, with her husband, had been involved with couples swinging and now feels guilty for an affair that she says might have resulted in the birth of their twins. Your response was to not let her guilt get the better of her. Well, as a 41-year-old male, I have to say that I disagree. And I know what I'm talking about, because I swing, too.

Are you really advocating that she lie to cover her adultery? It seems to me that the affair happened OUTSIDE the agreement between all parties involved with the swinging, where rules and boundaries were set in advance by all parties. Perhaps days, months or years down the road if I found out my wife, the woman who I love and cherish, had an affair with a man without my knowledge or outside an agreed-upon "swinging" arrangement — and this man is perhaps the father of our twin children — well, find the lawyer because there is more here than is being said! — Rules for Swingers, in Reno, Nev.

Dear Rules for Swingers: First, I did not advocate that she "lie" to her husband. Nowhere in her letter did she indicate that he had asked if the children were his. If he had, I would have recommended that she answer honestly, which she does not know for sure.

Until "Nervous" has a blood test, it cannot be determined if the child is the result of a sexual union with her husband or another man. If she decides never to take this step, and if her husband never asks her to take it, the truth may not be known.

As for your assertion that there are "rules" in swinging — which you've assumed include mutual consent regarding the whom, when and where — marriages in which extramarital affairs are allowed do come with some unanticipated emotional risks: for example, your partner might fall in love with someone else, or you could accidentally impregnate someone or get pregnant yourself.

I strongly believe that monogamy is the foundation of a loving and committed relationship. Still, we all have made mistakes we regret. As I wrote before, even if the children did come from a one-night stand, the obligation of parenting is a lifetime commitment. I stand by my original suggestion to "Nervous," which was to avoid what may be unnecessary pain to her husband and her children. She should consider the incident a past regret and now live each day forward with loyalty and respect for the most important relationships in her life: those with her children and her husband.

Dear John: I met a wonderful man several months ago. We are perfect for each other, and our plans are to ultimately get engaged and marry. Our problem: He is very attached to a dog that he's had for five years now. I, on the other hand, am highly allergic to his pet's dander. I sneeze when I am in his house! I have told him how I feel several times, used anti-dander chemicals and purchased an ionizer for his house — but I still sneeze. This situation is affecting my health! When we move in together, I don't want the pet in our new home. Is this asking too much? — It's the Mutt, or Me, in Savannah, Ga.

Dear Mutt or Me: Right now, he lives only with the dog, and he is happy and comfortable with this arrangement. If and when you both make the decision to cohabitate, this will of course be an important factor for both of you. But if you make it an issue now, he'll weigh out which of you has been less of a hassle, and the dog will win. You may want to see an allergist before issuing any ultimatums.

John Gray is the author of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus." If you have a question, write to John in care of this newspaper or by e-mail at: www.marsvenus.com. All questions are kept anonymous and will be paraphrased. To find out more about John Gray and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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