Dear John: Because he is married to me, my husband, "Jerry," thinks that he can touch me anyplace, anywhere, any time. Some of the time he is trying to be "fast" so I won't notice or complain. When he does this, it hurts.

He will put his hand out palm side up with his fingers curled up as I sit down next to him, or he will grab my chest as we're driving down the road and just sit there holding me. I have complained to him repeatedly, and I've asked him how he would feel if I did this to him. He responds that he would enjoy it, and I believe him! Because of this, I now refuse to sit next to him. I've even yelled at him. Nothing seems to work.

Since the birth of our son last month, we've abstained from sex for awhile. But now, I have to deal with roaming hands!

We have been to marriage counseling before because of Fred's temper and physical abuse. We were able to work through those issues, and I don't want to walk out on him again, but I don't think I can take much more. I thought we were supposed to respect and protect our loved ones, not hurt them in any way. Can you give me some advice? — Not So Touchy-Feely, in Pensacola, Fla.

Dear Not So Touchy-Feely: His behavior is most probably rooted in some unresolved anger. This grabbing and poking is proof of his inability to control his impulses. It is unhealthy, and you should not have to put up with it.

Sexual frustration may be one of many reasons for his anger. If so, withholding sex will only exacerbate his mood swings and reinforce his bad behavior, and all the more reason for you not to use sex as a bargaining chip.

The next time he grabs at you, instead of getting angry, calmly and firmly tell him that this behavior does not turn you on. Then, reaffirm the fact that you do indeed love him, and ask him if he will allow you to show him ways to touch you that you consider loving and amorous.

Since you've stated that your goal is to build upon your past efforts in helping Fred control his frustration and get back into a loving place with him, I suggest that once again you seek counseling to discover the true reasons for his anger. If he is unwilling to go to counseling with you, go by yourself. You need more input and support on how to deal with this behavior — or to move on with your life without him.

Dear John: My boyfriend and I have been having sex for the past two years. We both are 16. Only once did he forget protection, and that was all it took for me to get pregnant. My problem is that I don't know how to tell my mom about this. What should I do or say? — Two Months Along Now, in Detroit, Mich.

Dear Two Months Along Now: The news you have may indeed shock her, but no matter what she says or does when she hears your news, please remember that she loves you with all her heart, and she always will. Her immediate response may come from a place of disappointment, sadness, anger and fear for your safety and your future. This does not mean that she loves you any less. Stay calm, and don't deny her the opportunity to express herself. Once her emotions over your news have subsided, she will be in a better place in which to recognize your new needs, and to offer any assistance that she can. Now more than ever, you need the emotional support of those who love you. Trust in her that she will be there for you. God bless you, and good luck.

John Gray is the author of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus." If you have a question, write to John in care of this newspaper or by e-mail at: www.marsvenus.com. All questions are kept anonymous and will be paraphrased. To find out more about John Gray and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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