Dear John: My best friend is almost 21, and she has only ever really kissed one guy. That was about three years ago! Lately, she was seeing this guy, but then she dumped him. He tells me that she wouldn't kiss him either. They are still friends, but they aren't dating anymore. He really wants to kiss her, but she won't let him. She thinks there's something wrong with her. I am her friend, but I don't know what to tell her. Is this common, or is she weird? — A Friend Indeed, in Roswell, N.M.

Dear Friend Indeed: Your friend may have a problem with intimacy because of an event in her past that has created unwarranted guilt or shame. Or, perhaps she has an unspoken fear of pain, pregnancy or infection.

For whatever reason, some people stand at the water's edge forever, hesitant to jump in. To help your friend move beyond her emotional block, you may want to suggest that she see her family physician to answer any medical questions. She should also discuss any intimacy issues with a licensed therapist. By talking about her concerns with knowledgeable professionals, she will get the information she needs to establish healthy, natural relationships.

Dear John: What would it take to convince a woman who is 32 that the chances of her meeting someone and having fireworks and shooting stars go off in her head is just a romance novel fantasy? My friend says she has had that happen to her before, and didn't follow through with the feelings. Will it happen to her again? What do you think? — More than Just Her Guy Friend, in Chevy Chase, Md.

Dear Guy Friend: I think it's great that she wants to wait for "fireworks." Sure, she may not find what she is looking for, and a lot of time may pass before she realizes this. But then again, she might. Wouldn't it have been a shame if she had settled for someone other than the one she sees as her soul mate?

It's my opinion that we have many soul mates on this earth. Time, circumstance and fate play a part in when and if we recognize them. If your concern is that she may not as of yet recognized one possible soul mate — you — don't despair. Keep being her close, caring friend. In time, she may recognize that the one she is looking for was at her side all along.

At the same time, remember that you, too, have many possible soul mates. Please don't miss any golden opportunities that cross your path. In other words, keep your eyes — and your heart — wide open.

Dear John: I am a 42-year-old male who has never married. That means I've been looking for "Ms. Right" for over 20 years now. It occurs to me that all my "striving" has gotten me nowhere, since I've already moved in and out of various emotional stage of life, and my needs have changed substantially during this time. Do I need to accept that, at this stage of life, I am single, and probably always will be single? In other words, should I just stop looking and "trying" to meet someone? After all, I haven't had much luck at it in my dating years. — Jaded, in Chicago, Ill.

Dear Jaded: Finding a soul mate is not an impossible feat. If your current dating method isn't working, perhaps it's time to try something different. For example, don't view your date prospects as possible Ms. Rights. Instead, view them as friends who make enjoyable companions and have interesting lives and unique personalities. In that manner, you learn to appreciate the best facets that each has to offer, as opposed to focusing on what does not work about them. No one is perfect, not even Ms. Right. By accepting others for who they are, you'll better discern who can best fulfill your needs.

There is nothing wrong with dating at any age of life. It is a process we go through in order to enjoy temporary or long-term companionship. Life is not a quest, it's an adventure. Let go of your heightened expectations and simply enjoy the process.