Dear John: I have been in a relationship with a wonderful woman for about six months. "Brenda" has been separated for nearly two years She works ten-hour days, and has two kids who go to day-care when her very high-pressured job takes her out of town. Brenda also commutes one hour each way, and is feeling the pressure. We have an excellent physical and intellectual relationship. I have allowed myself to fall for her, and I have told her so. But Brenda has recently told me that she cannot tell me she loves me, and has suggested that we go our separate ways. I think she is simply overwhelmed by everything, and is having trouble coping. I would appreciate any suggestions on how or what I can do to help her, and in doing so, win her back and be her knight in shining armor. -- A Guy in Love, in Portland, Ore.

Dear Guy in Love: Only when a woman seeks a man's assistance does he merit the honor of being her knight. Should he come to her rescue without her consent, he runs the risk of being considered a nuisance or a harasser. Your princess is clear about her priorities: her children and then her job. She does not yet want to tackle a new partnership. Whether she is overwhelmed or not is a call only she can make for herself. At that point, it will be up to her to decide how she wants to deal with it -- and whom she chooses to help her in this endeavor. Take the hint and start dating others. If she needs you, she'll know where to find you.

Dear John: I have been married for over 25 years, to my college sweetheart. It has not been a smooth road, but we've managed to make it so far. Recently while at a seminar, I met a man with whom I developed an infatuation. Is this normal? I can't seem to get him out of my mind. I spent five days with this person, and it was some of the best times I have had recently. Help me deal with this! -- Infatuated, in Sugarland, Texas

Dear Infatuated: Your new feelings have grown out of the frustration you're having with the problems in your marriage. After all, if you were fully content, you might have enjoyed making this new friendship, but romantic longings would have never entered your mind. Consider this: When we meet new people in a new environment for a short period of time, we put our best face forward and leave our concerns at home. The man you met may be very different on a daily basis. Before you toss 31 years of marriage out the door, remember the love, the history and the memories you've shared with your spouse. Let this emotional renaissance you are feeling inspire you to reassess your needs in your current relationship, ask for them in a respectful manner, and give lovingly in return.

“King of the Boudoir”

Most of the time, they share who rules the bedroom. But she prefers that he take the lead, according to a recent Mars Venus /Redbook Poll. Of 2,860 women who participated, 53 percent say that they take turns calling the shots.

However, another 25 percent prefer that he take the lead. In fact, another 12 percent say that he doesn't do that often enough. Only 10 percent like him to follow orders.

Full results are shown below. To take part in this week's Mars Venus/Redbook poll, log on to: http://www.redbookmag.com

Is he your sex slave?

Yes, and that's the way I like it. 10 percent

Yes, too often. I wish he'd take the lead. 12 percent

No, he's MY master, and I love it! 25 percent

We take turns on top. 53 percent

Total Votes: 2,860

NOTE: Because poll percentages are rounded, total values may not work out to 100 percent. Poll results are not scientific and reflect only the opinions of those users who choose to partake.

John Gray is the author of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus." If you have a question, write to John in care of this newspaper or by e-mail at: www.marsvenus.com. All questions are kept anonymous and will be paraphrased. To find out more about John Gray and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2008 JOHN GRAY'S MARS VENUS ADVICE

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