Dear John: "Porter" really likes me. I am 16, but we both have been thinking about sex because our relationship is so deep. We really think this is love. But I hesitate because he'd be "my first." We want to see if it is love by having sex. What do you think of this? — Ready for IT, in Decatur, Ga.

Dear Ready for IT: Having sex with someone does not mean that you will love him, or that he will love you. Should you take that step before adulthood, and the relationship ends, you may regret having given up something so precious to someone who had not yet earned your trust and commitment. After all, true love is all about trust and commitment given over time. If indeed your love for each other is as "deep" as you think it is, test it by not having sex. You can both demonstrate your love by first learning to appreciate each other's goals, habits, friends and families. Should the care and respect you show each other last, then you will find that your passion for each other will last as well.

Dear John: I'm good friends with a man who claims he is gay. I don't believe this because he reacts to me in the manner of a heterosexual man.

His childhood was a disaster and I believe his confusion comes from his need for male approval, which he never got as a child from his dad or grandfather. His grandmother physically abused him, so he has many issues. Yet he trusts me, and he claims that I am the first female with whom he's become close. He is a caring, compassionate man and I have strong feelings toward him. He hugs me and kisses my cheek and talks to me daily. Is there any hope? — Mixed Signals, in San Diego, Calif.

Dear Mixed Signals: While you may feel passion for him, you need to face the reality that this man most probably loves you only as a close friend. Can you accept his love and friendship without sexual and emotional passion? If so, you'll probably be great friends. If not, I suggest you move on to someone who can, and will, accommodate all your needs. Bottom line: He's not swapping sides. He's just not wired that way.

John Gray is the author of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus." If you have a question, write to John in care of this newspaper or by e-mail at: www.marsvenus.com. All questions are kept anonymous and will be paraphrased. To find out more about John Gray and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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