Dear John: "Gary" and I met in high school. Our parents thought we had dated too young. Then I got pregnant. When we married, I was already in my third trimester.

It's been two years now, and I do love my husband. However, when I run into a particular friend, a male, these questions pop into my head: "What if I had dated him instead?" or "What if I had married him?" I've always thought that when we meet "the right one," there is never a doubt.

Certainly, I love my husband. Yes, we are good friends. Of course, we've had financial struggles. And, parenting a two year-old is not always easy. We've been to marriage counseling, and we've both put a lot of effort toward our relationship. Gary says he's never doubted his choice to marry me. but I wonder if there will ever be a point that I will stop doubting my decision. Your thoughts are welcomed. — Doubting Donna in Las Vegas

Dear Doubting Donna: Nearly every relationship goes through periods of doubt. Because you married so young, you're reaching them earlier than most. After all, you never had the opportunity to work through all five stages of dating — attraction, uncertainty, exclusivity, intimacy and engagement — prior to taking on the responsibilities of parenthood and marriage.

That said, your romantic fantasies of your male friend may be a symptom of your doubts.

You say you love your husband, but are questioning whether or not you are in love with him. At the same time, you know that he is fully committed to your union. Love, trust, commitment and passion are the four cornerstones on which every successful relationship is secured. To reinforce your love and commitment, work daily on reigniting the passion that made you such a great couple to begin with.

Arrange weekly "date nights," and every four to six weeks take a weekend away with your husband. Marriage doesn't just happen. It is not a "happily ever after" fairy tale; it's a day-to-day work in progress. Put the effort into making your relationship the greatest achievement in your life, and your legacy to your child.

Dear John: My wife, "Cindy," and I have a major fight about once a month. During these blowups, she'll say things like, "I don't need you," or "We could get divorced," or "You can leave if you don't like it." I've tried to get her to understand how cruel these comments are to me. At other times, I feel I should take her up on the offer. Is there a better way to argue? — One Foot Out the Door, in Orlando, Fla.

Dear One Foot Out the Door: First of all, don't take her statements personally. Her words are spoken out of anger. In reality, if you had wanted to leave, you would have done so by now. The next time she says something spiteful, dodge it by walking away. Know that you don't need to dignify it with your own cruel remarks. If you walk away enough times, she will soon learn that, in order to get her point across, she will have to do so in a way that works for both of you. That means modifying her behavior in a way that is fair to you.

When she cools down, and you've kissed and made up, please have a discussion about couples counseling. With a moderator who listens to you both, you'll both learn how to listen, in turn, to each other. Make it happen.

John Gray is the author of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus." If you have a question, write to John in care of this newspaper or by e-mail at: www.marsvenus.com. All questions are kept anonymous and will be paraphrased. To find out more about John Gray and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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