Dear John: This past June, I was introduced to my best friend's brother, "Marcus." I had just broken up with my boyfriend at the time, and I wanted someone I could hang out with. I never had sex in mind. Although I had never tried any illegal drugs before, I took one with him, and we ended up in bed together. He's the best lover I have ever had. After that night, Marcus and I continued to sleep together. We were exclusive for a while. We'd have sex several times a day, every day.

At first, he told me he did not want a relationship. However, after we became exclusive, he told me several times he cared about me and thought the world of me. When I started having feelings for him, I admitted them to him. Now, Marcus has stopped calling. I've driven by his house at early hours of the day (he doesn't know), and he's not been there. I don't think I'm in love with him, but it hurts to know he is with someone else when he told me he cares about me. I know we agreed to be friends and just have sex (not date), but I have all these feelings. Am I wrong to feel jealous? — Hurting, in Grant's Pass, Ore.

Dear Hurting: He wants to play the field with no strings attached, and has made that clear to you. While you've yet to admit it to yourself, you are trying to replace one failed relationship with another that has also has the potential for disaster. When you expressed feelings, he ran — proof that he is not yet emotionally mature enough for an exclusive, committed relationship. And besides, no Prince Charming offers illegal drugs to loosen up the woman he adores. You made a very common mistake. Now, cut your losses and move on.

Dear John: Our 13 year-old son has been stealing money and other little things from us.

When we confront him about it, he denies doing this. We've now come to the point where we go through his room to prove him wrong. Are we doing the right thing? — Worried Parents, in Toledo, Ohio

Dear Worried Parents: Your child's theft is a call for help. Know that he is ashamed of what he has done, and is concerned about the consequences to his actions. Perhaps his denial may be his attempt to "save face" for doing something he knows was wrong; Or, perhaps he wanted to get caught in order to draw your attention to some other crisis he may be experiencing. He may also be testing your boundaries. In any regard, your reaction to these incidents will have a bearing on future communication with him.

Your first step is moving away from confrontation, and toward communication. Let him know you want to give him the benefit of the doubt. Make it clear that "borrowing" other people's things is only allowed when one asks for, and gets, approval to do so. Make it clear another similar situation will have a consequence. Express to him what that consequence will be.

Remember: The goal is to make the consequence fit the crime. In the future, should he slip up, follow through on the established consequence. Something tells me that he won't. If the issue persists, consider joint counseling which will hopefully find the real motivation for his actions.

John Gray is the author of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus." If you have a question, write to John in care of this newspaper or by e-mail at: www.marsvenus.com. All questions are kept anonymous and will be paraphrased. To find out more about John Gray and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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