Dear John: My husband, "Lawrence," and I have been married for four years. We have toddlers and are essentially living on my income. Recently, I found out that he has a secret bank account. Since I'm the only one with good credit in the relationship, this has me feeling somewhat upset. How could he do this to me? I'm so angry I'd leave him, except that I couldn't support our kids on my own. Then again, maybe I can. Please help me. — Almost in the Poorhouse, in Sugar Land, Texas

Dear Almost: For both financial and emotional reasons, many partners choose to keep separate bank accounts. Usually, this is a decision that is mutually agreed upon, and more commonly where there is some discretionary income. It sounds like this isn't the case in your household.

Your real issues are you want to know whether the bills are being paid, you have enough money to live on, if some funds are going into savings, and that your credit and tax considerations are in good standing. I believe you should seek financial counseling to review your issues of credit and debt. Ask your husband to go with you to this meeting. If he refuses, go alone. After all, the knowledge you gain will allow you to make financial decisions objectively and without fear.

After financial counseling, you and your husband should set up a time to meet on the specific financial issues that concern you. In that meeting, there should not be any blame or recriminations for past acts. What you are looking for is fiscal accountability for now and the future.

To this end, discuss a budget that meets your needs.

Ask that this budget be administered by you, but of course with his financial assistance. This should alleviate your financial concerns. Should he prefer to keep additional income he's earned in a separate account, then both of you should have this prerogative.

Dear John: Lately, it seems that everywhere we turn, the world is filled with sexually blatant and suggestive images and messages. America is crumbling at its very roots! Do you also find this to be the case? — Horrified, in Birmingham, Ala.

Dear Horrified: I agree with you that the United States is in a time of emotional transition. As a society and as individuals, we are testing the limits of our personal freedom. This process entails an incredibly healthy degree of self-direction, independence and autonomy, which is the basis of freedom in the first place.

It is not appropriate for anyone to make it their cause to "save the morality" of our country. Instead, it is up to each individual to find the truth within one's self as to what works for him or her. In my own work, I try hard to assist others, not through judgment, but by giving them a greater understanding of themselves and others in order to support and communicate with their loved ones. I thank my readers for letting me know when I've accomplished this goal.

John Gray is the author of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus." If you have a question, write to John in care of this newspaper or by e-mail at: www.marsvenus.com. All questions are kept anonymous and will be paraphrased. To find out more about John Gray and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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