Dear John: My best gal pal is a partner in a large entertainment firm. Lately, she's been e-mailing some pretty crass jokes to some of her friends — and, I've noticed that the e-mail list includes some people she works with too, both men and women. A few of them work under her. Because I'm a good friend, I'm worried that she may be jeopardizing her career, since these men and women report to her. So, how do I break the news to her? — Watching Her Back in Los Angeles

Dear Watching Her Back: You are a good friend. My advice — just be straight with her. Despite the fact that the entertainment industry is a lot more lax than most, employers everywhere have to be aware of the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission's sexual harassment rules, which are defined as "any behavior that unreasonably interferes with an individual's work performance, or creates an intimidating, hostile or offensive work environment." If one of her subordinates doesn't see the humor, he or she could easily make a claim against her, and it could jeopardize her job. So make your move before another naughty e-mail goes out.

Dear John: I met the woman of my dreams in a nightclub, at a time when I wasn't ready for a relationship: I had no job, no savings and no credit. We fell in love within months. I finally got a job, but I was still very irresponsible with money. So, she began to lose faith in me. We've been apart for almost a year. In the meantime, I've done my best to change some of the traits that turned her off.

For example, I'm much more conservative with my money, and have even opened a savings account. I still run into her, usually when we are both with other friends. Each time I see her, I realize that she was the most important person in my life. That said, how can I win back her love and trust? — Her Ideal, in Tallahassee, Fla.

Dear Her Ideal: The best way to win back trust is to first be worthy of it, and second, apologize. You've accomplished the first task. Now is the time to write her a letter expressing what you think she probably feels: acknowledge her disappointment in you. Next, let her know that her anger is justified. Then, reassure her that her feelings were valid: you were inconsiderate. You were insensitive. You were untrustworthy. And certainly, end your letter letting her know the ways in which you've changed, and that you'd like her reconsideration.

With Venusians, your persistence will show that you truly care. By expressing your feelings sincerely in writing, you are opening the door to her trust once again. I'd be surprised if she didn't follow up on your offer to reconnect. Please write me and let me know the outcome. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you.

John Gray is the author of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus." If you have a question, write to John in care of this newspaper or by e-mail at: www.marsvenus.com. All questions are kept anonymous and will be paraphrased. To find out more about John Gray and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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