Dear John: I've fallen in love with an old flame again. In the past, our timing was off. It still may not be right now, but in any event, we've become lovers. Not only are we good friends, we work together, too. Needless to say, my feelings grow deeper with each passing day. Should I let him know this? If I tell him, it may scare him away. Or, should I resign myself to being his -- Part-time Lover in New York City

Dear Part-time Lover: Your phrase, "our timing was off," leads me to believe that one, or both, of you have other committed relationships. Right now, what you have with him is only one-half of a relationship: You've established physical intimacy, but you have never truly established an emotional intimacy with him. Therefore, there is no basis for emotional commitment.

You're certainly at a crossroads. The decision you make depends on what you really want and need from a relationship -- and you have to be prepared if you're unable to get that from him. If you're OK being his bed buddy with no strings attached, then you won't have to worry about losing him. If you need more in a relationship, my advice is for you to be honest with your partner about this. If this is something he cannot give you, he'll let you know and you'll part as friends. The next time, you'll realize that you don't have to settle for less.

Dear John: After four years of dating, my boyfriend, "Tim," recently broke up with me. Before I started nudging him about our future together, things had been going really well. When all of my friends started getting married, I hinted that maybe we, too, should tie the knot. Believe me, I wasn't the only one; he felt pressure from all our mutual friends as well.

So, at first he agreed. Then last month, as I went over some of my ideas for the wedding, he backed out. He tells me he loves me, but he just isn't ready! His mother has been married twice, so he is a little gun-shy. I am willing to give him the time he needs, but I also feel afraid he's just going to do this again. What has to happen for him to get over this fear? -- Always Someone Else's Bridesmaid, in The Woodlands, Texas

Dear Always Someone Else's Bridesmaid: He has to feel certain you are indeed the right person for him, and that he is willing to commit to you for a lifetime.

Otherwise, your marriage will be over before the bouquet is thrown. By giving him the time he needs to realize you are indeed everything he is looking for in a soul mate, your chances of getting a proposal will increase.

If it takes him longer to acknowledge this than you would like, your option is to tell him that you need to move on -- and then do so. This way, you open yourself up to other relationships, and you may find someone who better fits your criteria, including your timetable. Also, your old boyfriend may realize he is missing what he had with you and do an about-face -- which means you'll get your proposal after all. Good luck.

"Snuggling"

The great news for women: After sex, more guys snuggle than snore. According to a recent Mars Venus/Redbook poll of 2,342 women, most women -- 48 percent -- cuddle with their man. Another 21 percent say their guy loves sex, but sleeps on his own side of the bed. Unfortunately, the final 31 percent say that their man just rolls over and play dead.

Full results are shown below. To take part in this week's Mars Venus/Redbook poll, log on to: www.redbookmag.com.
 

Is he a snuggler?

Yes, he's a great snuggler!            48 percent

There is sex, but no snuggling.         21 percent

He'd rather snore than snuggle.        31 percent

Total votes:                    2,342

NOTE: Because poll percentages are rounded, total values may not work out to 100 percent. Poll results are not scientific and reflect only the opinions of those users who choose to participate.

John Gray is the author of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus." If you have a question, write to John in care of this newspaper or by e-mail at: www.marsvenus.com. All questions are kept anonymous and will be paraphrased. To find out more about John Gray and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
COPYRIGHT 2008 JOHN GRAY'S MARS VENUS ADVICE
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