Single File by Susan Deitz

DEAR SUSAN: I see many signs for a more equitable relationship between the sexes, although as a gay man, I may have an unfair advantage. I'm not threatened by a successful co-worker who is a woman. But the fact that women seem to be gaining equality in all sorts of areas and the younger generation of men is adapting to this gives me a lot of hope. Some of your readers say singlehood is seen as a second-class lifestyle, and there does seem to be a lot of that type of thinking. Still, people should remember to be true to themselves. If you're happier being unmarried, then be single shamelessly, and enjoy a life that is true and authentic without worrying about the disapproval of others. But if you secretly want a relationship but don't have one for some reason, be sure to remind yourself of that. It's all about being honest with yourself regarding your wants and needs — and not being overly influenced by those around you. — From the "Single File" blog

DEAR BLOGGER: Wisdom is as wisdom does. Clearly, you've done a lot of living, and luckily, we are the recipients of your experience. Being true to oneself is at the root of the Bard of Avon's advice to the son who is about to go out into the world. Gay or straight, male or female, old or young, one ignores that gem at one's peril. Not everyone is up for the digging required to uncover the true self, but the discovery is priceless. (I know.) The second part of that classic quotation? "Thou canst not then be false to any man." Those words are true for all of us — married, unmarried and cohabiting. How well those words fit into singleness, which still engenders an awkward pause — and the query, "Why isn't a nice person like you married?" It seems to me that Singleworld is fast gaining on the married mentality, and society — always the laggard when it comes to social changes — will, in time, come around.

DEAR SUSAN: I was thinking about room rates for singles and doubles. Shouldn't it be easier to accommodate a single person than two people? Ah, no. Business isn't interested in "accommodating; its goal is to make the maximum amount of money. And putting two bodies in the seats — at the breakfast table, in the hotel room — offers double the opportunity but not double the cost, thanks to economies of scale. Let's say two singles traveling independently stop at a hotel, along with a couple. It takes the maid longer to clean up two single rooms than it does the couple's one room.

People don't have to be part of a romantic couple to get the two-person rate; a mother-daughter pair, two siblings and good friends can all get the savings. But if you insist on traveling alone, in an industry in which most travelers prefer to have a companion, you will pay for the preference, and it's only right that you do. — From the "Single File" blog

DEAR BLOGGER: Agreed, it would take a humungous amount of pressure to change the room rates. By now, most solo travelers know the score and don't even bother to fuss about the inequity of room rates. The unmarried community has so much more pressing issues to challenge. (The odds of actually bending the established order of things — catching up to European governments' recognition of singleness — seem to be dwindling in this country.) At least the awareness is being raised. When the prestigious Atlantic magazine features singleness as its cover story and gives 20 pages to the articles about singleness, well, it's time to pat ourselves on the back (not easily done) and grin with optimism. I'm smiling. Hope you are, too.

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