Single File by Susan Deitz

DEAR SUSAN: Having goals and values that are similar to your partner's is a wonderful idea, but physical attraction is also part of the package, and it's important to be open to the idea that the person who turns out to be your soul mate won't immediately ring your bell. The man I love today didn't immediately ring mine, but something kept bringing me back to him. Our talks were so engaging, and it didn't take me long to see what was developing between us. And as we've grown together, I've come to appreciate how my weaknesses are buttressed by his strengths — and vice versa. Give love a chance. — From the "Single File" blog

DEAR BLOGGER: The something that kept you going back to your beloved is instinct, one of my favorite ingredients of the real thing. Its pull is not to be denied, because its value comes from inner knowingness. In my life, not-so-attractive people have gained my respect and — yes — even physical desirability in my eyes. Odd, isn't it, how one can grow from the other, both of them taking their rightful place in your estimation. (Also, haven't you ever lost interest in someone who at first seemed attractive but lost luster after you got to know him/her better?) That's the advantage of slow courtship, seeing someone in different situations over a longer length of time. Your bells didn't chime at first, but somehow instinct led you back to the man who today fulfills you, body and soul. If you had been less understanding, the talks between you wouldn't have gotten the time they needed to unfold into deeper feelings of friendship and physical attraction. It's understandable how the phrase "opposites attract" could torpedo slow-start relationships and never give potential lovers the chance to appreciate the wonder of balance.

DEAR SUSAN: I wasted many years of my life in the corporate world, working 60-80 hours a week with nothing to show for it. I escaped when I was accepted into law school, and I vowed not to go back anywhere near the rat race when I graduated. Instead, I was blessed to get a teaching job at a small college — and I've been there ever since. What I might lose in gross income, I gain much more in a happier and stress-free lifestyle.

Not being a corporate exec doesn't make you a loser. As long as you enjoy what you do for a living, you are free to enjoy other areas of life — guilt-free! — From the "Single File" blog

DEAR BLOGGER: Women are getting the message. Now in the corporate world themselves, they can understand the pressure men inherit with their other gender roles. And as women are finding the pitfalls of corporate life, they can understand their partners opting for a different life. Their liberation movement wasn't designed solely for women; in a widened sense, it was also for men. Men deserve to be unshackled from the role of corporate automaton, in the same way women are freer to leave the kitchen and test themselves in a wider world. That freedom is meant to allow the men around them to live lives (including work) that feed their souls. This is a changing world, a test for women and for men. You have already graduated, dear blogger, and are truly living in a way that feels right. Your choice, in a way, is a litmus test, exposing the woman with a different slant on life. But it will also attract the right type of partner, one who shares your take on life. Happy sailing.

"SINGLE FILE" THOUGHT FOR TODAY: The way I see things, a marriage license should be more difficult to obtain, whereas divorcing should be a simpler process.

Agree or disagree? Your reasons for the choice?

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