When you hear of long distance relationships, you might think new global dating spurred by the Internet and more efficient travel. But there are people who live in the same house and still see each other only on weekends.

Truck drivers, sales people, engineers, consultants, airline personnel and a host of others, including politicians, might spend as much time away as they spend at home … and some of them report very happy relationships. So, when somebody asks me about a long distance relationship, I don't immediately discourage him or her.

We tend to think of long distance relationships as a new thing, but when travel was less efficient, people might wait for spring or Christmas to reunite with a sweetheart. And based on countless love letters, absence made the heart grow fonder — except when the lover slipped from both sight and mind.

Clearly not all couples survive time and distance; and just as clearly, love does.

The problem lies in getting to know each other well enough — from a distance — to discern if it's love or infatuation. Once you truly love each other and have established a committed union, you have a better shot at absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Let's face it — a lot can happen while you're absent. And if your bond isn't deep enough, somebody else just might steal your lover's heart away.

Even people who have found true love can grow apart if they don't take the time to nurture what they have. If they're not together full time, it's especially easy.

If you only see each other for a few days at a time once a month, you hardly want to raise the trying issues while you're together. So, would-be problems to work through are apt to get swept under the proverbial rug and wait for a convenient time, which never arrives.

After all, you want to gaze into each other's eyes and eat at your favorite restaurants and get together with friends and family. So, you might — for a time — be very happy, indeed!

And, for a time, one partner might carry the brunt of practical matters. The house and the yard have to be maintained. The car has to be serviced and washed; groceries have to be stocked. But, hey, those are not the kind of things you want to spend your precious time together on.

Eventually, though, something has to give. The stuff under the rug starts to look like a small hill that can no longer be ignored, not even for a few days. And now you need a few days just to air your grievances … and that leaves no time for resolving them.

So, it makes sense to balance your time together — as limited as it might be. If you address the issues as they come up, you continue to know each other, connecting on a deeper level. And you find out if you're compatible as partners.

Yes, there's a difference between loving each other and wanting to commit to each other for life. The old clich? "love is enough" is true. It's enough for you to lead a meaningful life … but it's not enough to make two people compatible.

You want to be able to live together in harmony. And living covers a lot of ground. You're going to eat and sleep together, and share the same bathroom. You might raise kids together, even if they're not your kids. You're essentially in business together, even if it's only to cover household expenses.

You can love each other from a distance. And maybe you can even live together from a distance. But it's tough to truly know each other from a distance … and love without ongoing knowledge is destined to come up short.

Jan Denise is a columnist, author of the book "Naked Relationships," speaker and consultant based in McIntosh, Fla. Please e-mail her at jandenise@nakedrelationships.com, or visit her website at www.nakedrelationships.com. To find out more about Jan Denise, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2008 CREATORS SYNDICATE, INC.

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