Inside Relationships from Creators Syndicate

Learn From the Fall Before Starting Over for 01/04/2008

Fri, 04 Jan 2008 00:00:00 -0800

I noted with interest your "Celebrate Starting Over" column. I agree with your basic idea; however, before one can truly "start over," one must clear one's mind and heart by attempting to right "wrongs" done to others.

In my travels through life I have observed that some people habitually say and do dreadful things to other people. Eventually, when " ...

Updated: Fri Jan 04, 2008

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Resolutions For Life for 01/11/2008

Fri, 11 Jan 2008 00:00:00 -0800

If you've already slipped up on some of your New Year's resolutions, you can start again. You can also reevaluate what's truly worthwhile! And, if you decide something's worthwhile, but you've struggled with it for the last three (or six or 10) years, consider a new approach.

What you really want is to be happy. Some of those things on your list — yes, the new boyfriend, the size 8 ...

Updated: Fri Jan 11, 2008

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Don't Paint Nice Guys Invisible for 01/18/2008

Fri, 18 Jan 2008 00:00:00 -0800

Yours is one of the first columns I read. You have great insight and perspective on oneself in the context of relationships, whether romantic, family or friends.

I am a 46-year-old man who has been divorced for almost four years, with part-time custody of my 8-year-old daughter. I am getting discouraged with the whole dating thing and do not want just a casual affair. I am handsome, ...

Updated: Fri Jan 18, 2008

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Touching Hearts Means Touching Sore Spots for 01/25/2008

Fri, 25 Jan 2008 00:00:00 -0800

An intimate relationship can be like PMS — without the gender discrimination. Men and women alike can look on, feeling out of sorts, as their issues surface.

Issues? Those are the things that — when triggered — make you grit your teeth or cry or run the other way or scream profanities. You could say, "Ah, I believe you just hit on a sore spot, please give me a mome ...

Updated: Fri Jan 25, 2008

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Get What You Want for Valentine's Day for 02/01/2008

Fri, 01 Feb 2008 00:00:00 -0800

Valentine's Day is for the infatuated, the brokenhearted, the deeply in love, the old and worn, the young and anxious … and, of course, the coupled and the single. It's for you!

You don't have to worry about how you fit in, or how it plays out for you. It's designed for you and you're in charge of how happy it is or isn't. Come on, you knew I wouldn't leave your happine ...

Updated: Fri Feb 01, 2008

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We Watch More Sex Than We Have for 02/08/2008

Fri, 08 Feb 2008 00:00:00 -0800

Our society has never been so sexually liberated — or enslaved. We have an insatiable appetite for more.

When we can't get the sex we want with a partner, we seem to settle for getting it vicariously. And the media deliver an ongoing stream of "opportunity." How desperate do we have to be to sit in front of a TV screen week after week to see what "Desperate Housewive ...

Updated: Fri Feb 08, 2008

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Response to Irritation is Telling for 02/15/2008

Fri, 15 Feb 2008 00:00:00 -0800

Your response in the most trying moments of an intimate relationship predicts your future.

She's doing it again — why can't she just shut up long enough for you to want to be in the same room with her? Or why can't he just once give you his attention for a few minutes, without the remote or the book or the food?

A new study by researchers at the University ...

Updated: Fri Feb 15, 2008

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Ask, Get, Give What You Want for 02/22/2008

Fri, 22 Feb 2008 00:00:00 -0800

I asked my husband if he wanted to talk. He put his book down and said, "Sure." I talked; he listened. He interjected; I thanked him. He laid his head on his pillow. I wanted to kiss him, and I did. "Kiss me again," he said.

We both got what we most needed before falling asleep.

If you wait until you both want to talk, you might become weighed ...

Updated: Fri Feb 22, 2008

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Struggle is for Power for 02/29/2008

Fri, 29 Feb 2008 00:00:00 -0800

He controls everything. He insisted on this house — three doors down from his parents. I can't even consider work in another city. And any vacation we get is used up on the annual trip to his sister's.

Whether you struggle with a partner over where to live, what to eat or where to send the kids to school, what you struggle for is control, or power.< ...

Updated: Fri Feb 29, 2008

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Take Another Shot at Asking for 03/07/2008

Fri, 07 Mar 2008 00:00:00 -0800

As I write this, I'm still getting feedback on the column "Ask, Get, Give What You Want" (available online).

Like other relationship issues, asking for what we want isn't quite as easy as it sounds. Doing it is straightforward enough, but our "baggage" can make getting to that point difficult — even unlikely.

I have been married for 20 years ...

Updated: Fri Mar 07, 2008

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'Traditional Family,' an Oxymoron? for 03/14/2008

Fri, 14 Mar 2008 00:00:00 -0700

When 50 percent of marriages end in divorce, 75 percent of divorcees remarry, 65 percent of their marriages include children from another marriage and 60 percent of those marriages end in divorce, can there be anything traditional left about the "traditional family"?

As my husband and I were recently introduced to exes, stepparents and stepsiblings at a party, we found ourselve ...

Updated: Fri Mar 14, 2008

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Too Insecure for 'Nice'? for 03/21/2008

Fri, 21 Mar 2008 00:00:00 -0700

Dear Jan: I just read your column "Don't Paint Nice Guys Invisible" and wanted to share my story with you.

Like many women, I grew up with a particular idea of male and female roles that made me attracted to all the wrong guys — irresponsible, at best; psychologically and verbally abusive, at worst. Three years ago, I met a man who was none of those things — he was ...

Updated: Fri Mar 21, 2008

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You'll Get Less Than You 'Settle' For for 03/28/2008

Fri, 28 Mar 2008 00:00:00 -0700

When a new love enlivens us, especially after a dead spell, we can be tempted to run with it — whatever it is, with no real foundation.

We have proven that it's rare to find "everything" in a relationship, so why not take the part we can get? Truth be told, breakups (ours and everybody else's) often leave us wondering exactly what "everything" is.
< ...

Updated: Fri Mar 28, 2008

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Intimacy Can Fuel Passion for 04/04/2008

Fri, 04 Apr 2008 00:00:00 -0700

Passion — or erotic attraction — enlivens us. The singing birds drown out the alarm clock. The sun shines through the clouds. We are the sun, and the moon and the stars!

Passion seems too good to be true. And it is … well, not really; it just can't stand alone very long.

Last week, in discussing passion's role as one of the three parts of perfect love ...

Updated: Fri Apr 04, 2008

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Delayed Gratification: Overrated or Underrated? for 04/11/2008

Fri, 11 Apr 2008 00:00:00 -0700

It's interesting to sit in the middle and get mail from both sides of the proverbial aisle about immediate versus delayed gratification.

"He has a drink and he can't contain himself. … All of a sudden, having sex is no more than eating another potato chip," writes one reader.

"She has no idea how to just relax and enjoy the moment. … I don't know what she's saving h ...

Updated: Fri Apr 11, 2008

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All Grown Up, We Still Cry Out in Distress for 04/18/2008

Fri, 18 Apr 2008 00:00:00 -0700

The other night, I turned the light out and started to climb into bed when I felt something moving around near my ear. Shrieking, I asked my husband Sam (who was already snug in bed) to turn the light back on. My distress escalated, and I found myself screaming, begging him to please hurry.

When he got to me, I was cupping my ear. As I let go of it, I released a small flying insect. &quo ...

Updated: Fri Apr 18, 2008

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Learn Your Partner's Language for 04/25/2008

Fri, 25 Apr 2008 00:00:00 -0700

We can look on as an aunt and uncle berate each other year after year and know that, despite appearances, they love each other. There was the time when he thought he was going to lose her to cancer, or the time when she jumped to his defense when somebody else attacked him.

Nonetheless, we don't want to be that couple. So, if the scenario is starting to feel a little too familia ...

Updated: Fri Apr 25, 2008

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Buck Stops with You for 05/02/2008

Fri, 02 May 2008 00:00:00 -0700

Sometimes we pass the proverbial buck around like a hot potato. The problem is, what we're really passing to the next guy is our fate.

Ah, and maybe that's why our fate so often seems to be up in the air!

"God knows I never intended my life to look like this, but she got pregnant, and I did the right thing and married her," writes one reader.

"My husband's co ...

Updated: Fri May 02, 2008

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Rebound with Care for 05/10/2008

Sat, 10 May 2008 00:00:00 -0700

My longtime partner dumped me … after several months of on-again, off-again. And I met this incredible new man. My friends are warning me about being on the rebound. Does it really matter?

If being on the rebound means feeling vulnerable and deprived, it matters. When we're coming from a needy place, a new prospect can seem to meet not just our immediate need, but all o ...

Updated: Sat May 10, 2008

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Stop Looking to Find Somebody for 05/16/2008

Fri, 16 May 2008 00:00:00 -0700

If you're single and looking for a partner or just a date, you've probably felt impatient, maybe downright frustrated.

I hear from a lot of lonely people who want to know how to find somebody. And before you lump the "lonely" in the category of hard up, some of them are people with presumably attractive options, and even those you imagine to live romanticized lives.

They ...

Updated: Fri May 16, 2008

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Inside Relationships from Creators Syndicate

Learn From the Fall Before Starting Over for 01/04/2008

Resolutions For Life for 01/11/2008

Don't Paint Nice Guys Invisible for 01/18/2008

Touching Hearts Means Touching Sore Spots for 01/25/2008

Get What You Want for Valentine's Day for 02/01/2008

We Watch More Sex Than We Have for 02/08/2008

Response to Irritation is Telling for 02/15/2008

Ask, Get, Give What You Want for 02/22/2008

Struggle is for Power for 02/29/2008

Take Another Shot at Asking for 03/07/2008

'Traditional Family,' an Oxymoron? for 03/14/2008

Too Insecure for 'Nice'? for 03/21/2008

You'll Get Less Than You 'Settle' For for 03/28/2008

Intimacy Can Fuel Passion for 04/04/2008

Delayed Gratification: Overrated or Underrated? for 04/11/2008

All Grown Up, We Still Cry Out in Distress for 04/18/2008

Learn Your Partner's Language for 04/25/2008

Buck Stops with You for 05/02/2008

Rebound with Care for 05/10/2008

Stop Looking to Find Somebody for 05/16/2008