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Get this Cat a Job
Here's good news: After years of reading and reviewing business books, I have finally found one volume that is 100 percent guaranteed to improve your life. It's not about moving your cheese or swimming with sharks. It doesn't teach you how to read …Read more.
Winning the Blame Game
It's your fault! I don't know what happened, or why it happened, or when it happened, or, even, if it happened, but I do know that the person who did it, whatever it was, was y-o-u.
If this sounds familiar, it's because you work at a company that …Read more.
An Office Kind of Love
I'm in the mood for love.
Every year, as we get closer to Valentine's Day, cards and candy start showing up on nearby desktops. The stupid cupids in marketing get lavish bouquets of roses and poison oak, while stale cookie grams brighten every …Read more.
Surprise! Being Stressed-Out Is in!
There must be a lot of stress at The Wall Street Journal. I found two articles and a blog post on the subject of stress in the last two weeks, and well, it's making me feel stressed. I mean, if the journalistic queen bee of American capitalism is …Read more.
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The 100 Best Worst Jobs of 2010What's the best job of 2010? It's the job of publishing the list of best jobs of 2010. Think about it! You only work one day a year, and all you do on that day is regurgitate the work of a bunch of disgruntled math majors who are, no doubt, bitter about having to work at least two days a year in their so-called jobs of putting together their so-called facts. Mr. Andrew Strieber, the "executive producer" of CareerCast.com and JobsRated.com, is the lucky ducky who holds this position. While it is possible that his employers find other tasks for Strieber to accomplish during the 364 days of the year when he's not publishing the "Best Job" list, I do look upon his career path with a certain amount of jealousy. Part of these ill-feelings can be explained by the fact that professional workplace humor columnist does not appear on the 150 best jobs list, which means my own personal career path is either lower than job #150, plumber, or is better than job #1. And there is no way that my job description — or yours — is better than the career choice that stands at the pinnacle of employment prestige and satisfaction — actuary. Actuaries, of course, are the number-crunching nerds who determine how many years you have to live and how healthy you are statistically likely to be during those years. Then insurance companies can write their policies to guarantee that whenever you do kick it, you'll have kicked in more than the insurance company has to pay out. According to Strieber, there are two main reasons why little children are growing up with the dream of becoming actuaries. There may not be a lot of fame and glory in helping insurance vultures game the system, but the job of actuary does come with low physical demands and low stress. The average income isn't bad either — a tasty $85,229 per year. The job outlook is also good for actuaries, and why not? Who wouldn't want to come to work every day on a red carpet, with crazed workplace groupies hanging on your pocket protector, hoping for the chance to carry your calculator? If the #1 best job is a surprise, there should be little mystery when you consider job #8, statistician.
And what in the world is going on with bartenders? Everyone knows that these noble souls perform a genuine public service by tending to the emotional health of individuals who can't afford a psychiatrist but can scrap together enough cash for a boilermaker. Yet bartender is #138 on the list, while a psychiatrist is #98. It's just not fair. For those of you who are in the process of choosing a profession, and for those whose chosen profession has decided that it's time you make a change, the list does offer some interesting possibilities. For example, why don't you take up job #5 — historian? Those wonderful stories you tell about your childhood should more than make up for your complete lack of historical knowledge, like who discovered America, and where exactly did you spent last Saturday night after your weekly session with your therapist behind the bar at the Kit Kat Klub? Or how about working at #42 — nuclear engineer? If Homer Simpson can do it, you certainly can. You might also enjoy job #43 — federal judge. Don't be held back by your inability to make important decisions, such as choosing a flavor at Baskin-Robbins; think how thin you would look in a bulky black robe. Job #117, sewage plant operator, sounds like a lot of fun, and it's rated almost 20 points higher than surgeon, which is job #136. If you can't stand the sight of blood, but can't fill your life with enough sewage, get in your application fast. Of course, if you really want a great job for 2010 — a position with no physical demands and a superb work environment — I suggest you continue right on with what I suspect will be the real #1 top job of 2010: unemployed. Bob Goldman has been an advertising executive at a Fortune 500 company in the San Francisco Bay Area. He offers a virtual shoulder to cry on at bob@funnybusiness.com. To find out more about Bob Goldman and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com. COPYRIGHT 2010 CREATORS.COM
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