Work Daze by Bob Goldman

Getting hired is easy. Staying hired takes work, especially when work is something you really don't care to do. This conundrum becomes even more problematical when you've been hired by an employer who is afraid of commitment. That's right — we're talking "temporary."

There is an explosive combination of opportunity and disappointment inherent in any temporary position. And turning a temp job into full-time, forever employment is not only a challenge in anyone's book, but it is also the subject of a recent Careers column by Melissa Korn in The Wall Street Journal.

"Making a Temporary Stint Stick" is Korn's topic du jour, and a timely du jour it is. "As the economy eases into recovery mode," Korn writes, "more companies are temporarily filling holes in their work forces before making permanent hiring decisions these days."

As someone who has been in a black hole in every job they ever held, the role of hole-filer sounds right up your alley, especially when you consider the author's insight into the prize hidden in every temporary job package — "with the right moves, a temporary employee can make that job permanent."

For a managerial temp, the road to permanency is based on proving to your new temporary employer that they made a big mistake by not hiring you on a full-time basis the first time around. "If you were the primary candidate, they would have just named you to that position," is the snarky comment of Joni Lindquist, president of KHC Executive Coaching.

This sounds a little mean-spirited to my easily bruised ego, but, as we all know, managers have no feelings, so they will probably respond positively to Lindquist's suggestion that, as a managerial temp, you take "assertive action" to "move you to the top of the list."

"You need to prove that the company shouldn't risk replacing you," adds Korn. This is one career expert who disagrees. Instead of being assertive and irreplaceable, I suggest you use your managerial abilities to blend seamlessly into the fabric of company. If you want to make yourself irreplaceable, first make yourself invisible.

Executive memo: If they can't find you, they can't fire you.

Non-managers also have a shot at grabbing the brass ring of permanent employment.

According to Korn, career experts say "you should quickly express your interest in staying past the initial contract term." I agree! But don't make the mistake of following the advice of Jody Miller, chief executive of the Business Talent Group, and "have a formal conversation with supervisors within a few weeks of starting the temporary job ... that is long enough to learn the ropes, but not so long that the search for a permanent replacement starts without you."

Express your interest, I say, but don't delay. A few weeks with you, and you'll be lucky if they let you in the front door. Make your desire known in the first 30 seconds of employment. When they show you to your desk, fall to the floor and start sobbing with joy. Wrap your arms around the legs of your supervisor and refuse to let go until they give you an employment contract. If there's any hesitation, lock yourself in the coat closet and refuse to come out. No question, this kind of scary, irrational behavior will convince your bosses that you are worth keeping. The only downside? They may move you to marketing.

If demonstrating your extreme joy at an extreme job is not sufficient, adopt the advice of Brett Good, a district president at Robert Half International Inc., who says "you can boost your odds of landing the job if you adopt the new group's practices quickly, down to learning the appropriate jargon."

True that! If you're over 40 and find yourself in a cutting-edge, youth-oriented firm, you may want to start using hip expressions, like "groovy" and "23-skiddoo." Conversely, if you're a Generation Y, 20-something type and find temporary work in a stuffy organization staffed with old-timers in their 30s and 40s, try to learn their lingo. For example, you might lean over your cubical wall and ask to borrow a cup of 100-percent Bran Flakes, or start a staff meeting by inquiring if anyone would like to spin the hot new Lawrence Welk disk you heard over the weekend at the malt shop.

And speaking of speaking jargon, be sure to refer to the boss as "that jerk." That's one piece of jargon to which everyone can relate.

Bob Goldman has been an advertising executive at a Fortune 500 company in the San Francisco Bay Area. He offers a virtual shoulder to cry on at bob@funnybusiness.com. To find out more about Bob Goldman and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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