Work Daze from Creators Syndicate

Good Job News for Girlie Men for 07/02/2009

Thu, 02 Jul 2009 00:00:00 -0700

This economic disaster does not play favorites. Pick any person, in any job category, and you will find fear, depression and uncertainty. Even the strongest people, with the best prospects, the most education, and the highest level of job skills live in fear of a sudden reversal that will put them permanently out to pasture.

When it comes to feeling scared and hopeless, this economy &mda ...

Updated: Thu Jul 02, 2009

EQ and You for 07/09/2009

Thu, 09 Jul 2009 00:00:00 -0700

Sure, you're smart. Yes, you're good looking. Of course, you're talented and motivated and hard working. But you're also honest, and so you must admit that despite all your gifts, you still have not achieved the success you desire and deserve.

The reason?

Emotionally, you're an idiot.

That's right! Time to face your old bugaboo, emotional intelligence, or as we call it in t ...

Updated: Thu Jul 09, 2009

Take the Loyalty Oaf for 07/16/2009

Thu, 16 Jul 2009 00:00:00 -0700

It's bad enough that our employers expect us to show up for work five days a week. It's even worse that they actually expect us to work while we're at work, or, at least, stay awake from 9 to 5. But recently, it became clear to me that our managers want something more than reliability and productivity. They also want loyalty.

You heard me right — to succeed today, you not only have ...

Updated: Thu Jul 16, 2009

Dumb Luck for Job Seekers for 07/23/2009

Thu, 23 Jul 2009 00:00:00 -0700

Happy days are here again! If you're sick and tired of doom and gloom, here's the best business news ever.

Dumb is in!

That's right, job seeker. The latest trend in higher hires doesn't call for a MBA, a Ph.D. or even a GED. The one quality that every employer is seeking these days is the one quality you have in quantity. It's dumb. The dumber you are, the more likely you are to b ...

Updated: Thu Jul 23, 2009

Man vs. Woman vs. Job for 07/30/2009

Thu, 30 Jul 2009 00:00:00 -0700

Here's exciting news from the frontiers of science — men and women are different.

Now, you might have suspected a difference did exist, but here's confirmation at last. Writing in The Wall Street Journal, Robert Sabat, moderator of the Best of the Juggle column, closes in on the scoop of the century with the headline Men Like Earning More Than Wives.

Referencing the work of ...

Updated: Thu Jul 30, 2009

The Old-Timer's Revenge for 08/06/2009

Thu, 06 Aug 2009 00:00:00 -0700

It's not easy to find a ray of sunshine in today's gloomy economy, but I do believe I have some very happy news indeed. Yes, unemployment is high. And yes, companies continue to slash payrolls willy-nilly, but guess what — this time, first group of workers to get the ax are the young people. We old coots are hanging on and hanging in, waving bye-bye to the infernal whippersnappers who tho ...

Updated: Thu Aug 06, 2009

You're a Fraud, Says You for 08/13/2009

Thu, 13 Aug 2009 00:00:00 -0700

Really, I don't know how you do it. Day after day, month after month, year after year, you manage to convince the working world that you're good at your job. But there is one person who knows that you're a fake and a fraud. That person is you.

It's true! In a recent "Health Journal" feature in The Wall Street Journal, reporter Melinda Beck focuses on "Silencing the Voice t ...

Updated: Thu Aug 13, 2009

I Am, Therefore I Nap for 08/20/2009

Thu, 20 Aug 2009 00:00:00 -0700

Let's face facts: Everyone has their own way of making it through the current economic crisis. Justifiably afraid of losing our jobs, some of us are working harder, desperately trying to convince our bosses that we are indispensable. Other folks have decided that the best way to respond to recession is to go beyond their job description to master arcane, but essential talents, such an ability t ...

Updated: Thu Aug 20, 2009

Sneeze More! Work Less! for 08/27/2009

Thu, 27 Aug 2009 00:00:00 -0700

You'll see everything, they say, if you live long enough. Well, I guess I've lived long enough because I've just seen our government come out against work.

I wish we could take credit for this enlightened policy. Certainly, we have been lobbying long and hard for the brave, lazy citizens who enjoy getting a paycheck for doing nothing. But, no — the policy comes directly from the cr ...

Updated: Thu Aug 27, 2009

It's Easy To Be Difficult for 09/10/2009

Thu, 10 Sep 2009 00:00:00 -0700

It really is ridiculous! Just because you're nasty, stubborn, snarky and snide, people think that working with you is difficult. Nothing could be further from the truth! You're a peach of a co-worker and a dream of a colleague. All you ask is that your office mates do exactly what you say, exactly when you say it. And, oh yes, don't disturb you with silly demands to actually get some work done ...

Updated: Thu Sep 10, 2009

Dress for Less Success for 09/17/2009

Thu, 17 Sep 2009 00:00:00 -0700

If you've ever wondered why your career could be declared a federal disaster area, I have the answer. It isn't because you are ineffectual, inefficient and insufferable. The real reason is not who you are, but what you wear.

Or don't wear. Face it, friend — if you are looking to thrive, or just to survive in this miserable economy, it takes more than working hard in your cubical. Y ...

Updated: Thu Sep 17, 2009

How to be Unhappy at Work for 09/24/2009

Thu, 24 Sep 2009 00:00:00 -0700

If you thought you were happy, I have an urgent newsflash for you. You're not. I don't care how much you love your job — you're not happy. At least, you're not happy enough, and that should make you very unhappy, indeed.

Like you, I thought I was happy, but recently I received an e-mail press release from the American Happiness Association or, as it's known to its jolly friends, th ...

Updated: Thu Sep 24, 2009

Risking Risky Risks to Boost Your Career for 10/01/2009

Thu, 01 Oct 2009 00:00:00 -0700

Hold onto your hat! I am going to make a confession so shocking that it will knock your hat off and rock your socks. So, I guess, you should hold onto your socks, as well.

Here goes: Sometimes, when I'm the only person in the break room, I will eat a piece of fruit without washing it first.

It's true! Even though I know all about pesticides and germs and rodent droppings and all t ...

Updated: Thu Oct 01, 2009

Letterman's Laws of Love for 10/08/2009

Thu, 08 Oct 2009 00:00:00 -0700

Question: What's the absolutely best reason to work by yourself?

Answer: You don't have to worry about office romances.

Or to be brutally honest about it, you don't have to worry about the other person in your tawdry workplace affair rejecting you, or worse, complaining about you to human resources. If the only person you have to sexually harass is you, chances are you will not be ...

Updated: Thu Oct 08, 2009

The World's Worst Place to Work for 10/15/2009

Thu, 15 Oct 2009 00:00:00 -0700

Your job stinks. Every day brings new indignities and frustrations. But as bad as your job may be, and as hopeless as you may feel about it, there is one undeniable benefit you have for which you can feel ever thankful.

You don't work for Zappos.

Unless you've been living in a cave for the last decade you know that Zappos is a web-based, mail-order shoe company. You may also know ...

Updated: Thu Oct 15, 2009

The Unemployed Gazillionaire for 10/22/2009

Thu, 22 Oct 2009 00:00:00 -0700

Excuse me, but have I told you lately just how brilliant, talented and remarkably good-looking you are? I really mean it, too. I'm convinced that the people who read this column are only one self-help book away from Warren Buffet-type riches and Lindsay-Lohan-like fame.

The self-help book that helped me reach this conclusion is Matt Morris' "The Unemployed Millionaire." Before ...

Updated: Thu Oct 22, 2009

LinkedOut for 10/29/2009

Thu, 29 Oct 2009 00:00:00 -0700

Come a little closer. I have a confession to make. At my age, in this age, you can't admit that there is any aspect of technology you don't understand or embrace. Not if you want to avoid becoming a permanent exhibit in the Museum of the Chronically Unemployed.

So, here's my confession — I don't understand LinkedIn.

I understand how to use it, of course. I'm actually a Linke ...

Updated: Thu Oct 29, 2009

The 85 Percent Pollution for 11/05/2009

Thu, 05 Nov 2009 00:00:00 -0800

If this column isn't as good as usual, don't blame me. I had a rotten childhood; my parents would not buy me any GI Joe action figures, so my Barbies had to sit home on prom night. Plus, I think I may have the flu — both the swine flu and the regular flu. I am also not that bright, and I have a lot on my mind — important stuff, like who is going to win "Top Chef" and " ...

Updated: Thu Nov 05, 2009

One Jerk Out of Work for 11/12/2009

Thu, 12 Nov 2009 00:00:00 -0800

The official unemployment rate in America is now over 10 percent — a factoid that surprises me. I don't want to argue with the nums, but based on what I'm seeing, at least 50 percent of that 10 percent have already gotten themselves jobs. How else can you explain the explosion of employment counselors offering their services advising out-of-work job-seekers on how to get a job?

I r ...

Updated: Thu Nov 12, 2009

Gossip Boy for 11/19/2009

Thu, 19 Nov 2009 00:00:00 -0800

If you have any pity left over after feeling sorry for yourself and your own pathetic work situation, send it to Shayla McKnight. McKnight, a contributor to the Preoccupations column in The New York Times, has written a panegyric to her employer, PrintingForLess.com, based on the company's truly insane corporate policy — a ban on all gossip.

One could argue that McKnight, who is pa ...

Updated: Thu Nov 19, 2009