Teresa Strasser by Teresa Strasser

Finally, I'm going to say some nice stuff about my mom. When a blogger friend was doing a round up of "best advice our moms ever gave us," I realized that my mom had some gems.

Now, I share them with you.

Maybe her bon mots were a bit unorthodox, but I can't argue with her wisdom. And now, on this Mother's Day week, I offer some of her pearls to you to either judge or implement. That's up to you.

1. If you think the shoes are too small, they are.

I realize not all of you have size-10 boats, like I do, like my mom does. But whatever your shoe size, it's a universal truth that when that perfect pair is just pinching your baby toe a teeny-tiny bit, you will convince yourself that they are a once-in-a-lifetime deal and not really that small. Then, you will buy them and never wear them again. Let maternal experience spare you the expense.

2. If you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with.

OK, couple of things. First of all, I grew up in San Francisco, and my mom was a hippie, so her retooling of this classic Stephen Stills song made more sense in context. Still, it might sound a bit strange for a mother to tell her daughter, "Hey, lower your standards, and maybe just have sex with whatever dude will have you." But that wasn't the message. It was more along the lines of a suggestion that you try to embrace what is, not the ideal you wish for but don't have. It applied to friends and boyfriends. Just have a good time, and appreciate the people who like you — and don't waste time pining for those who don't.

3. Know your dealer.

Well, stitch this to a pillow right now. My mom assumed we would experiment with drugs. She didn't bother telling us to "just say no." So, having probably had a few bad trips in her time, she tried to at least spare us that.

4. You can't always get what you want, but you get what you need.

This is another piece of life advice ripped from the lyrics of a song, in this case by The Rolling Stones. This one kind of gave me a headache when I was a kid, to be honest, because it's maybe too deep for an elementary school mind. Oh, who am I kidding? I still don't know if I get it. Do we get what we need? Really? Always? Not actually sure this is true, but it sounds deep, and if you start throwing it around, no one will question you.

5. Don't be with strangers when trying a new drug.

Yep, another drug-related bit of forward thinking. New drugs are an unknown world of possible trippy side effects and screwy behavior or thinking. You could just pass out, in fact, and find yourself stranded or in danger. The thing to do if you are going to try something new, no matter how mild, is make sure you are among friends, people you trust, folks who will brush your hair or make sure you get the snacks you want or get you home safely or tell you the walls aren't really bleeding. I'm not into drugs — probably because of advice like this — but the few times I've experimented, I made sure I was in a safe place with nice people. Don't do drugs. But if you do, keep this with you.

6. He won't be doing that at his prom.

This is my mom's standard stance on anything that worries me about my child. His pacifier? His weird crawl? His nighttime diaper? His long crying jags? His drooling? He won't be doing it at his prom. Perspective.

Teresa Strasser is an Emmy-winning television writer, a two-time Los Angeles Press Club Columnist of the Year and a multimedia personality. She is the author of a new book, "Exploiting My Baby," the rights to which have been optioned by Sony Pictures. To find out more about Teresa Strasser and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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