ISO Myopia by Teresa Strasser on Creators.com

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ISO Myopia

Let me tell you something: If you like lots of drama, become a member of an online nursing support group.

That's what I did when my son was just a week old. The group has about 3,000 members and sends out a daily digest of posts regarding everything from avoiding thrush to what to do if the new baby wakes up the toddler.

Ostensibly, the group is all about breastfeeding, but I've been getting those email digests for almost three years now because the women offer support about everything that could be categorized as "word of mouth": the best day care centers in our neighborhood, the baby carriers that hurt your back the least, the sippy cups she won't spill, the parks with the most shade, the most effective way to wash out the tubing from your breast pump. What's more, if you are a mom with little ones, you are always needing new gear or needing to offload new gear, and at least a third of the posts are "ISO" or "FS."

Sounds like a utopia.

In a world where most of us are unnaturally isolated with our little nuclear family unit, away from aunts and cousins and sisters who could tell us what's what, this kind of community mirrors what our great-grandmothers might have had.

Having no idea what the vibe was like back then, I can only tell you the discussion among today's moms has a real dark side, and it is beyond draining. At the moment, one of the site's most frequent posters is threatening to leave because the moderator felt her post about another post about helping your baby sleep through the night versus "on demand feeding" was too judgmental.

A firestorm rages among the online moms in this group. The original crap-stirring post was a link to a blog (a commercial endeavor for which the mom is paid per click) endorsing what I now understand is a controversial method of helping your baby sleep through the night. The very active posting mom addressed that this kind of thing can be bad for babies, who are too young to be on a schedule.

She reminded everyone that the site is really a nursing support group, after which the moderator reminded everyone that it's not a place for personal attacks, after which the regular poster said a dramatic digital goodbye and let us know she would heading off to greener online mom group pastures.

That's when the moms searched their garages for some crazy flags and started to fly them proudly.

"Don't go!!!" shouted the moms to the defector. And the moderator got attacked and defended, and the defenses got attacked and defended, until I just started deleting my daily missives from this group. If I want to sell my baby sling, there is always Craigslist. I'll wait for the fervor to die down, because conflict nauseates me and usually leaves me feeling that I should have more of an opinion about things.

The topics that get the most juice and raise the ardor of the mommy masses are generally co-sleeping, nursing, letting your baby cry it out, formula companies and how they control us, weaning, etc. But having recently read "Bringing up Bebe," the book all the moms I know are reading about how the French raise children, I can tell you that over there, there isn't much debate about helping babies sleep through the night. They don't advocate being cruel and making them lonely, but rather respecting their native intelligence and ability to soothe themselves.

I can't tell you where I stand, just that I'm jealous of French moms for not having to choose sides.

At six months pregnant, I see merit to all ways. That's my problem.

With my second child, I won't be any wiser about how to help this baby and my family through those first chaotic months of not sleeping. I don't have a plan, a method, a belief system, a way of looking at this critical time that to most moms becomes a sort of religion.

Myopia never sounded so nice. ISO.

Teresa Strasser is an Emmy-winning television writer, a two-time Los Angeles Press Club Columnist of the Year and a multimedia personality. She is the author of a new book, "Exploiting My Baby," the rights to which have been optioned by Sony Pictures. To find out more about Teresa Strasser and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.