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All Grown Up
Last Monday night, I sat on the couch watching a football game on TV until 11:45. Then I got up, grabbed my keys, and drove to the local video game store to be in line to snatch a copy of "Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2," which was being …Read more.
All Dressed Up …
Somehow over the past few years, our smelly, grumpy old West Highland Terrier of a dog has found himself a pied-a-terre. (That's French for "second home." I looked it up on the Internet.) Harry still sleeps here at night, but every morning,…Read more.
Battle Grounds
As my father got older, like a lot of men, he became more finicky about certain things. One of them was his morning coffee. A true caffeine fiend, every night before bed, Pop would set the coffee maker, along with two cups, a spoon and sugar bowl, …Read more.
Revenge of the Baby Geniuses
This past week, I read that Disney, the company that owns the "Baby Einstein" video series, was offering refunds to any parents who had purchased the products in the last five years and were dissatisfied. "Baby Einstein" videos, …Read more.
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It's All in the Presentation …Like other children across the country, my kids are being taught practical skills in school. They still learn reading, writing and arithmetic, but these days, they're also learning a lot of things that are supposed to come in handy once they enter the business world. A lot of these newfound skills are just setting them up for disappointment once they get real jobs. In school, they give speeches on every topic you can think of, something that very, very few adults get to do, unless they're running for office, in which case no one is listening. They produce videos to show to classmates, even though in real life, adults never get to be producers of videos. (Do you know any? Didn't think so.) They have a project where they design and build a car. The way things are going, this skill will only really be useful for their futures if they also learn Japanese. One of the big things they're all learning is PowerPoint presentations. For those of you out there who have never seen a PowerPoint presentation, count yourself lucky. A PowerPoint presentation usually involves one person at the front of a room, holding a clicker, while 20 to 30 other people sit in chairs and desperately wish they were dead. Often, they turn out the lights during PowerPoint presentations so that the presenter doesn't have to acknowledge how many people are tearing up in frustration. Last month, my 13-year-old daughters started another push in their relentless campaign to convince us to make a tough choice: Either get them cell phones or run off without providing a forwarding address. They've tried various methods, none of them very effective. At times, they've gotten angry, other times, tried slamming doors, and once or twice, used the silent treatment. This last one drives my wife crazy, but I'm immune. As a man, I often have to actually be told that I'm getting the silent treatment. To me, it just seems like peace and quiet. Last month, one of the girls walked into the kitchen to announce, in a calm voice, that she'd like to make a presentation to us in the living room. We walked into the living room to find the computer set up facing the couch. In a professional manner, our daughter asked us to take our seats, and started the presentation, entitled "Why I Should Get a Cell Phone." The first few slides provided details of her current "Sad Life" without a cell phone, and asked, rhetorically, how this might be changed. We could already guess the answer. There was a full section on how responsible she was. She had not, for instance, lost any of her other electronic items. She fed her hamster every day — up until the day he died. (To be fair, that was only two weeks.) She also had not broken her digital camera (that was her friend's fault). A cell phone, the presentation promised, would also be important to her babysitting clients, many of whom look up to her. There was an entire section on how good her grades were. She made a citation to a report card where she was deemed "hardworking" by a teacher. Also of note: Not one detention. Ever. Another slide, complete with graphics, was devoted to the injustice that her older brother had gotten a cell phone, despite the fact that he is widely considered to be lazy and unworthy of such a responsibility. Also in the negative but persuasive category, a list of classmates who were clearly considered by their peers to be immature but already had cell phones. A cell phone would benefit us, as parents. We were treated to a slide citing cell phone advertisements that promised to bring families together. Also important: A cell phone would give us a privilege we could take away as a punishment should she misbehave. The presentation ended with a smiley face, and a "Thank you for your time!" slide, just like the ones where they're trying to sell you a timeshare. My wife and I thanked her for the professional presentation, and said it gave us a lot to think about. We shook hands, and I told her I'd have to discuss it with my business partner and we'd get back to her when we had an answer. Which, as any businessperson knows, means thanks, but no thanks. To find out more about Peter McKay, please visit www.creators.com. COPYRIGHT 2009 CREATORS SYNDICATE, INC.
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