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Cry Me a River
My wife and I have five kids. We started with three boys and then, once we'd officially learned the basics, went on to have twin girls. I thought I knew how to parent, but going from males to females was like going from basic math to trigonometry.
I …Read more.
Cat Craze
I have a confession to make. I am afraid of cats.
I'm not afraid that they'll attack me or sneak up in the middle of the night and suffocate me (as they have been known to do to babies for centuries — look it up on the Internet).
I'm afraid …Read more.
Money to Burn
Yesterday, over my morning coffee, I read in my paper that parents in New York City are all atwitter because tuitions at most private schools are just about to creep up past the $40,000 mark. I stared at the story for a full minute before it hit me: …Read more.
Tweenage Dream
Like almost every other American household this year, our home ended up after the holidays with a lot of new electronic items. I got an iPad. It was one of those gifts you don't know you want until you have it. Suddenly, I could check my email and …Read more.
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I Won't Grow Up!Last Sunday night, my wife and I were lying in bed, watching TV, when the phone rang. That never happens on Sunday night in our house, so I jumped up and ran to answer it. I wasn't the first to pick up. One of my 13-year-old daughters was already on the line with a friend, urgent whispers shooting across the fiber optic line. "Hello?" I interrupted. "Dad!" my daughter called out. "Turn on the VMAs! Kanye West just dissed Taylor Swift!" I dropped the phone and turned to my wife. "Quick! Turn on the VMAs! Kanye West just dissed Taylor!" My wife grabbed for the remote. The problem is, we weren't being sarcastic. Somehow, after years and years of having almost all our time focused on kids, we have lost track of most of our adult interests and pursuits. Our adulthood is still there, but it has shriveled away like a vestigial tail. The kids have slowly taken over our living room TV. I'll put on something I like to watch and leave the room. And when I return, the kid channel has been magically tuned in. I put back on my show, leave, and it happens again. Eventually, I give up and just start watching "The Suite Life of Zack and Cody," instead of whatever adult fare I'd been looking at. At some point, I'll even end up laughing. The radio in our car is tuned so often to a kid's music station that I've just learned to leave it there, bopping along to the sounds of Miley Cyrus rather than the rock 'n' roll I grew up with. The CD in my stereo is by Kidz Bop. My wife, in fact, runs every day with her iPod loaded with "High School Musical" tunes. For years, our lives were co-opted by "Sesame Street," "Rugrats" and "Dora the Explorer." I couldn't tell you anything about current political issues, but I could identify all the different engines on "Thomas the Tank Engine." It was a shock to my system when Steve left "Blue's Clues," and I never fully accepted his fake brother Joe. Our kids have gotten older, but we still have young teenagers in the house.
I'm not alone. Recently, I was at a neighborhood party when I walked into a group of people discussing the books they were currently reading. It took me a minute or two to realize all of them were talking about the "Harry Potter" series. The problem is, the kids are growing up faster than I am. The other week, I walked through the living room when "The Secret Life of the American Teenager" was on. Two of the teenage characters, high school students, were having a heated discussion about whether or not to have sex. I stopped short, my heart beginning to go into slight arrhythmia. "Hey," I said, trying to sound upbeat. "Why don't we watch that 'Zack and Cody' show? You know they've moved out of the hotel and now live on a cruise ship!" My daughters turned to me and gave me a look of scorn. "Dad," one said, "That's really kid stuff, don't you think?" "Yeah!" I said. "That's the whole point!" We sat there on the couch together, watching Zack and Cody run around the S.S. Tipton, my daughters frowning while I laughed my juvenile little head off. To find out more about Peter McKay, please visit www.creators.com. COPYRIGHT 2009 CREATORS.COM
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