Peter McKay

I read this week that two men in their 20s from Philadelphia set a new record for sending text messages: In March alone, they sent more than 217,000 text messages to each other. They'd evidently signed up for one of those unlimited texting plans and thought they'd see how far they could push the envelope. They were trying to set a new world record. The cell phone company also set a new record, socking one of them with a bill for $26,300. The cell phone company has an investigation going, trying to figure out why they got a bill when they'd gotten the unlimited plan. Their parents have a separate investigation going, to figure out how they went so terribly wrong.

It seems that texting, the practice of tapping out small, inane messages on a telephone keypad, has now taken over the entire world. Most kids, and a good portion of adults, spend too much time bent over their cell phones, furiously tapping away. They're usually sending messages like "I M BORED" or "WHERE R U?" to people who aren't there while completely ignoring the people who are right in front of them. In the process, they're losing the ability to communicate with other human beings. Ten thousand years from now, humans might still have eyes, ears and mouths, but they'll be vestigial organs, mere remnants of evolution. We'll only really need thumbs to communicate.

Texting is taking over every human interaction. This past week, a man in Saudi Arabia divorced his wife via text message. To be fair, divorce is a lot easier over there.

You just have to confront your wife, say "I divorce you!" three times in a row and then run like heck.

Across this country, teens are getting in trouble for "sexting" — texting naked pictures of themselves to friends. This trend is limited to teens, as no sane adult would want to send naked pictures of themselves to anybody they ever wanted to see again. (Admit it. Look down for a second, make an honest appraisal, then ask yourself, who would want to look at that?)

I recently began trying to text with my sons, all of whom now have cell phones. I have never been able to successfully text my technology-averse wife. Every time I try, she comes home and complains that her phone made some weird beeping noise, but there was nobody on the line. I then spend the next 10 minutes showing her how text messages work, which she forgets within 10 seconds. Kind of takes the fun out of it.

My boys, though, actually read my text messages, even if they rarely text back. The other week, I sent a number of messages to my 15-year-old son during the day. After dinner, he pulled me aside. He was wondering whether I was sending all those messages myself, or having someone else do it. I assured him, somewhat proudly, that it was me.

"Why?" I asked.

"Nothing," he said. "It's just that you do a lot of shortcut, 'C U L8TR!' kind of stuff."

"Yeah!" I said. "That's what people do when they text, to save time."

He looked at me a long time, heartfelt sadness in his eyes.

"People don't do that, Dad. Not people I would read a text message from."

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