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Annie's Mailbox, October 26

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Dear Annie: I am very antisocial. I don't go to parties as often as most teens, I hardly ever invite friends over, and the few friends I do have no longer attend the same school. I don't belong to any clubs or do other extracurricular activities, including sports, which has greatly affected my health. I spend most of my days at the computer, watching TV or pacing back and forth in my backyard.

My parents have noticed my lack of social skills. My older sister is the same way. They think they are to blame for not introducing sports and other social hobbies to me at an early age, but something tells me that's not the case.

I know I can make more friends if I try, but I don't know how. So, Annie, please tell me. How does a 14-year-old who's never had a circle of friends, never been a partygoer and never had her first kiss learn to be normal? — Lonely for Life

Dear Lonely: You are not as abnormal as you think. Many teens have difficulty with their social skills, even though you may not see it. Plus, it sounds as if there is a family history of social anxiety. The fact that you want to change is a good sign, and we have every confidence you can take charge of your life. First, make an effort to get out of the house more. Force yourself to sign up for at least one extracurricular activity at school. Make a vow to smile and say hello to as many classmates as possible. Invite a new friend to go with you to the mall or come to your house and watch a movie. Be interested in what others have to say. All of these things require effort, and you will have to push yourself at first, but it will get easier over time.

Dear Annie: I met my girlfriend three years ago and learned that her stepfather had sexually abused her when she was a young girl. Her mother knew about it, but never did anything to help her.

We now live together and have a child.

On several occasions, I have suggested she get counseling, but she either refuses or puts it off. The stepfather is still married to her mom. I can't stand the fact that she doesn't realize how this infuriates me.

This man should be taken off the streets regardless of how long ago the abuse happened. What else can I do to get her to seek counseling? — Concerned

Dear Concerned: We know how upset you are, but please remember that this is not about you, and the constant pressure on your girlfriend undoubtedly makes her additionally uncomfortable and stressed. She may fear seeking counseling because she thinks it would necessitate arresting her stepfather, and she may not be ready to take that step. We urge you to call RAINN (rainn.org) at 1-800-656-HOPE (1-800-656-4673) and ask how you can best help her.

Dear Annie: When I was 18, I found out I had genital warts, and my world came out from under me. I thought only bad girls with poor hygiene got STDs.

The response from my parents didn't help. Mom called me names and said I was "dirty." She insisted no one would ever want to touch me again. She phoned the doctor to ask if I was allowed to use the same toilet seats as the rest of the family. My father wouldn't make eye contact for a week. It destroyed our relationship.

Having HPV changed the way I looked at myself and others. Mom was wrong. I have been married for almost four years to a wonderful man. He knows he could contract HPV, but it doesn't change his love for me.

"Sad Mom" is doing the best thing for her daughter just by being there for her and not letting her beat herself up for the mistakes she has made. Someday someone will see the beautiful person she is. — Mending Relationships

Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611. To find out more about Annie's Mailbox, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2009 CREATORS.COM


Comments

5 Comments | Post Comment
LW1: There is nothing wrong with being an introvert. Don't feel like you have to change who you are. If you want to join a school club, fine. If not, that's fine, too. I'm 32, and I didn't realize until I was 19 that it is okay to be an introvert! Be proud of who you are, and work hard in school! The social life will come later and will be more rewarding!
Comment: #1
Posted by: Paul
Sun Oct 25, 2009 9:27 PM
I'm in agreement with you, Paul. When I was growing up, I felt there was something wrong with me because I couldn't make a lot of friends - which is what my parents wanted for me. As an adult, I've always felt relieved that there is no longer that drive to be outgoing. While I have friends, they are the kind of understand if I'd rather just stay in. -- The last letter made me a bit sad. How could any mother call her daughter 'dirty'.
Comment: #2
Posted by: Datura
Sun Oct 25, 2009 9:44 PM
Re; Letter 2 - While I do agree that this issue is about the girlfriend and she needs to deal with it I'm taken aback that there was no mention that the still present step-father should never be left alone with the child they have. Keep the youngster away from this guy. I couldn't even be in the same room with a man who I knew sexually abused a child and same for the mom who let it happen. Ick!!
Comment: #3
Posted by: Rick
Mon Oct 26, 2009 8:21 AM
LW1: Thank you all for saying such kind things about introverts. I am one and for all of my life I have been told that to be introverted was Bad. I am a homebody, I love to read, bake bread, make soup, sew, garden etc. From teachers to the general public I was told I was bad for being an introvert. I do some things social, like the Audubon club, rockhounding etc. If people are loud and overbearing then to society that is good. Finally I have accepted myself as I am. I am quiet and nice, kind. And that's ok and that's ok for the letter writer as well.
Comment: #4
Posted by:
Mon Oct 26, 2009 6:45 PM
Why on earth are these adult women telling their parents, who likely have no idea about these STIs from a medical perspective, about their STI status? People there is no reason to tell anyone you're not having sex with about your HPV, herpes, or even HIV. Keep it to yourself. There is something called unnecessary information. Why risk hurting yourself by telling uninformed and insensitive jerks?
Comment: #5
Posted by: wkh
Sat Oct 31, 2009 1:36 PM
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