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Annie's Mailbox®, March 21 Dear Annie: My brother's girlfriend recently became pregnant. The problem is my mother. When I was pregnant with my 2-year-old son, I had no contact with my family, partly because my mother dislikes my husband. When my husband and I separated for a …Read more. Annie's Mailbox®, March 20 Dear Annie: My son was recently married in a small, private ceremony. For some unknown reason, my mother did not want to attend, but eventually, she and my father decided to show up. The entire time, my mother acted very rudely toward my son, my in-…Read more. Annie's Mailbox®, March 19 Dear Annie: My son and his wife have been married 12 years and have two beautiful daughters. But I am terribly concerned about their eating habits. This is doubly difficult, as my daughter-in-law is the boss in this family and thinks she knows …Read more. Annie's Mailbox®, March 18 Dear Annie: I am a successful and happily married 28-year-old woman. I have a good life, for which I am grateful, except for one thing. When I was 15, a close family friend 15 years my senior was staying with my family. I considered …Read more.
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Annie's Mailbox, October 24

Dear Annie: My parents are in their 80s. My father has been having strokes, and his right side is mostly paralyzed. He is usually in a wheelchair.

Whenever I visit, Mom cries that Dad is having an affair with a woman who lives in the same apartment complex, and that this woman has stolen things when Mom is not at home. Mom claims the woman has taken paper towels, silverware, plates, food, etc.

My 57-year-old sister, who is Dad's caregiver, is tired of hearing my mother complain that items are missing. My sister told me that Mom misplaces things all the time, no one is stealing anything and Dad is not having an affair.

We've tried telling Mom that Dad has enough trouble, that she is misplacing these things herself and nothing is going on with another woman, but then she becomes upset because we don't believe her. How do we resolve this? — Salem, Ore.

Dear Salem: Has your mother seen her doctor recently? Her complaints indicate some paranoia and irrational thinking, which are indicative of Alzheimer's. Claims of theft are particularly common. Please take her for a complete examination and ask for an evaluation of her mental functioning.

Dear Annie: I was surprised to read your response to "Molly's Aunt," whose 11-year-old home-schooled niece could neither read nor count to 100. However well-intended her parents may be, they are guilty of educational neglect, a classification that is a violation of child welfare statutes in most states. This aunt can call the child welfare hotline in her state to report this, as well as the state agency that licenses these programs. In either case, the parents will be held to a higher level of accountability than the word of another mother with no obvious standards. — Concerned in Kansas

Dear Concerned: Our readers were plenty hot under the collar about these parents. Read on for more:

From Ohio: Perhaps Molly's niece is dyslexic and her parents don't talk about her problems to others. My smart 11-year-old granddaughter reads very little because she is dyslexic.

Her father taught himself to read after he graduated from high school.

Boston: Right now I'm about to hyperventilate about the 11-year-old who cannot read. That simple skill could save her life. It IS the aunt's business. We are our brother's keeper. I'd call social services. I'd say more, but I'm sputtering.

New Hampshire: Bravo for your answer to "Molly's Aunt." It truly is none of her business. My wife and I follow a child-directed curriculum for our children, ages 8 and 11, and have every confidence in their ability to pursue the things that interest them, including basic skills like reading, writing and arithmetic. Molly's aunt should worry more about the millions of children locked in classrooms for 12 years of their lives, where the lesson learned is that knowledge is meant only for instant regurgitation on demand.

Pennsylvania: As a teacher I was shocked by your answer. In my state, a fifth grader is expected to have a firm command of arithmetic. Teachers are expected to act "in loco parentis." Conversely, parents who home-school take on the responsibilities of the teacher. Those parents have been derelict in their duties.

New Jersey: My four siblings and I were home-schooled. All five of us were late readers — particularly my older brother, who did not read until he was 13. My parents followed the philosophy that one retains information about subjects in which one is truly interested, which encourages us to master skills when we are ready. As a tutor at Rutgers University, I know that illiteracy affects people of all backgrounds. I've never met an adult home-schooler who couldn't read. My brother graduated this May from Columbia University with honors. There are many different ways to receive an education. When Molly is ready, she will learn to read unencumbered of the anxiety about what we've decided is normal. And with support from her aunt, she will be even better suited to thrive.

Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611. To find out more about Annie's Mailbox, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

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Comments

3 Comments | Post Comment

It is the responsibility of the parents to teach their child to read, even if they are going to home school or public school. I taught my daughter to read when she was three years old. I started teaching her the alphabet when she was less than one year old and couldn't even walk yet. Eleven is way too late.

Comment: #1
Posted by: Carol Ann
Sat Oct 24, 2009 6:50 AM

It never occurred to me that some home schooled children are late readers and that they learn to read very effectively. I know that for some kids, especially boys, learning to read is difficult because instruction starts too early in their development since it requires them to sit and concentrate when they are still too wiggly to do it easily. Maybe that's why children who are adopted as teenagers from countries where they never or rarely attended school can have such quick development that they end up at college with their age peers. I'll have to do some more investigation. Still, I would be worried if I were the aunt. She should be spending some time with her niece alone, like taking her to the zoo or out to lunch. Then she can assess her knowledge of ordinary subjects and see if she is actually being neglected rather than on a self-directed program. In any case, they can develop a relationship which will be good for both of them.

Comment: #2
Posted by: BB
Sat Oct 24, 2009 7:29 AM

Thing that most bothers me about the niece's situation is that everyone is approaching reading as a "have to do" skill. It is, but it's so much more than that. That poor girl is missing out on one of life's great pleasures. My guess is that if she's not interested in learning to read, then she has not been read to and discovered why books are so wonderful.

Comment: #3
Posted by: hedgehog
Sat Oct 24, 2009 8:03 AM
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