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Annie's Mailbox®, October 12

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Dear Annie: I divorced 18 months ago after being separated for three years. During this entire time, my ex-husband has had a nasty girlfriend who is always in the middle of every situation. I don't care for this woman at all.

My ex and I have a 5-year-old son. The girlfriend has used him as a messenger, telling him things she wanted him to repeat to me. I confronted my ex about it, but instead of things improving, they have gotten worse.

This woman broadcasts to everyone who will listen that I am a bad mom and a terrible person. She recently posted on Facebook that I was having affairs while married and also had an abortion. These are baldfaced lies.

My son just started school, and I worry other parents may hear about these accusations. The only way to get rid of this woman is to keep my child away from his father, and I truly do not want to do that. He is a great dad. I just need his girlfriend to back off.

What should I do? — The Ex-Wife

Dear Ex: If your ex-husband is truly a great dad, he would not want his son to be misled or confused by this woman, nor would he allow his son's mother to be publicly trampled and lied about. He has an obligation to make his girlfriend stop badmouthing you before her attempts at defamation risk losing him his visitation rights. Perhaps if he understands the consequences, he will put an end to it. If necessary, discuss it with your lawyer.

Dear Annie: My husband's self-esteem is so low these days that he blames himself for everything. Last week, I was having hot flashes that kept me awake so I slept on the couch. My husband automatically assumed it was his snoring and said, "If I snore, wake me up and I'll sleep downstairs." Tonight at dinner, the chicken didn't taste quite as good as usual, and he said, "I must have overcooked it on the grill." It's always his fault.

When he has a good idea, he phrases it as "we thought," even though I had nothing to do with it.

He has so little self-confidence it's as if he is afraid to take ownership of his opinions. When he has free time, he mopes around or watches TV and allows me to do all the planning. He expresses no interest in anything, and it's driving me crazy. Please help. — Lonely for My Old Partner

Dear Lonely: One reason a man can develop a lack of motivation is a drop in testosterone. Another is depression. Please insist your husband get a complete checkup and specifically ask the doctor to check his testosterone levels. If everything is OK, ask him to see a therapist to find out why he has lost interest in everything.

Dear Annie: Your response to "Contemplating Divorce in the Midwest" was right on. She's been married 38 years to an emotionally abusive man who cheats on her.

I worked my butt off for 23 years trying to please my ex-husband. I worked two jobs and raised our kids. As the years passed, the verbal abuse and humiliation kept getting worse until finally I'd had enough.

A few weeks after I left, I ran into a neighbor. He told me he heard my ex yelling at our 16-year-old son that he hoped when he married, his wife would leave him, too. My son calmly replied, "I would never treat my wife the way you treated Mom."

Leaving was hard, but it was one of the best things I could have done for my kids and myself. — Happy Ending

Dear Happy: Your son sounds like a smart, compassionate young man in spite of his father. You did a good job.

Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611. To find out more about Annie's Mailbox, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2009 CREATORS.COM


Comments

3 Comments | Post Comment
It seems to me that the woman could sue the girlfriend for defamation of character.
Comment: #1
Posted by:
Mon Oct 12, 2009 7:46 AM
Re: Carol Ann--You can't sue because someone says nasty things about you or there would be lawsuits all over the place. You have to prove actual economic damages or your case probably would be thrown out. This ex doesn't care that his girlfriend is making these statements and may well be getting some pleasure out of the discomfort of his ex-wife. In the end, it won't do anybody any good but some people go for short term "benefit" with no consideration of what damage it is doing to his son by putting him in the middle or the effect on his ex-wife's willingness to deal with him when child custody issues come up. The girlfriend might actually be trying to keep the boy from visiting by causing trouble for his mother because she either wants the boyfriend to herself or doesn't want a kid around at all.

http://www.videojug.com/interview/defamation-defenses-2
Comment: #2
Posted by: BB
Mon Oct 12, 2009 9:35 AM
I am having a hard time with the first letter. I think the writer isn't being completely truthful about everything. The girlfriend is putting the son is a bad position and trying to cause problems. While the writer needs the girlfriend to back off, she says ex is a great father. How can that be? It's impossible to be a great dad if you are allowing your son to be around such a manipulative, hateful woman. I think both women here are at fault and the writer is jealous that ex has a new girlfriend and has a hand in all the defamation going around.
Comment: #3
Posted by: Cathy
Mon Oct 12, 2009 2:39 PM
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