DEAR SUSAN: Well, I think your rebuttal to my comment about cities being better places for meeting is reasonable. It's true that there are more dating options to choose from, which probably — from a statistical angle — means the odds of finding someone compatible would be greater in cities. But a lot of those people might have gone to the city for reasons other than settling down. To me, "settling down" means a lot more than simply dating monogamously. It's building a life together, making decisions as a couple, maybe even having children — not all at once but traveling down that path. And there are many city people focused on career or education or just having fun — depending on their age. I myself was a city person for more than a decade but then moved to the suburbs. But lately, I've been pondering a real difference between city and suburban lifestyles as far as settling down goes. — From the "Single File" blog

DEAR BLOGGER: Agreed. The odds of finding what you want — whom you want — are probably higher statistically in a city than they are in suburbia, but after pondering your pondering, my blond head is nodding in agreement with you. Many of those "statistics" may have gravitated to an urban setting for reasons far apart from romance and settling down. But does that mean a suburban setting is more conducive to love/commitment? Let's add to your pondering that humungous query and ask the readers out there in Readerland to answer it. Then let's compare the findings with your musings as soon as a significant number of returns come in.

But — truth to tell — you may be on the brink of another issue of deep importance, the definition of "settling down." To me, it has an unsettling tinge of oldish thinking, boring days (and nights), settling back in an overstuffed easy chair and semi-retiring from the interesting parts of life. You have a wonderful definition, having to do with togetherness and active living — a shared, mutually rewarding relationship with wondrous possibilities. The way you envision "settling down," who wouldn't want it?! Urban or suburban, love will find you. For sure.

DEAR SUSAN: To answer your questions:

—I'd rather be beloved, the person who is loved more, than be the lover. I've been in both positions, and I don't like being the lover.

—When I tell people I'm not married, I feel a little sad — not because I have a problem with being unmarried, but because I am divorced and have been single for quite some time now, and I'd love to find someone. I think the people I tell are pretty neutral about my being unmarried, mainly because most of them think I'm not the marrying kind. I think people see me as happy and independent.

—If I knew for sure I'd be single the rest of my life, I'd make the best of it.

—The most important reason to marry is security.

—I enjoy being single more than I did a year ago because I'm in a better place in my life, emotionally and mentally. The fact is that I'm stronger.

—The one thing I have most wanted to do but don't because I'm single is ... nothing. Being single doesn't hold me back from anything. When I'm with my single friends, we talk about current events, music, art, spirituality, etc.

—My friends are mostly single because most of them, like me, are musicians and artists and generally think a bit differently.

TRUE OR FALSE

—Self-reliance keeps people away. False.

—People are either born independent or not; nothing can be done about it. False.

—My family is embarrassed that I'm not married. False.

—An interesting, full life leads to lifelong singleness. False.

—Any partner is better than no partner. False.

—Men don't want the same things from a relationship as women. False.

—All women should marry and have children. False.

—Being single means being alone and lonely. False.

DEAR READERS: Those were the responses of one person. I'm slow to reveal the gender because that one fact might throw you off. These questions are meant to tickle your individualistic point of view into settling on a response (first thought, best thought) — from your unique life experiences to date. Yes, these queries are for your friends, loved ones and adult children. How to go about answering? Readers tell me they tackle one question at a time, giving each one plenty of time to marinate mentally and — perhaps — changing your environment until you have carefully narrowed your response. You might consider reading each question aloud, for your own ears to hear. If you're having trouble deciphering the question, ask a friend what he thinks the question is. (The answer is always yours.) Enjoy tackling your brain. You'll be amazed — and gratified — at what it comes up with. My own brother, Jim, wrestled with the queries and found he needed to be much more undependent. So I handed him the Declaration of Undependence. (Want your own copy? Send a stamped, self-addressed envelope to this newspaper, or find me on Facebook and book your order. There is no cost.)

Have a question for Susan? Send it to her in care of this newspaper or online at www.creators.com.