Recently
Later Love
DEAR SUSAN: My mom was in her late 50s when she found love again after divorcing my dad. She used an online dating site to find it — but this was before the site you mentioned existed. It seems a fine match, and they have been married for …Read more.
A Perfect 10
DEAR SUSAN: I had to laugh at the letter from a man describing himself as a "Richard Gere" looking for a woman who is a professional, intelligent and a perfect 10. The problem might just be in his math! I've noticed that men rate …Read more.
Choose Happiness
DEAR SUSAN: This positive advice is for a fellow blogger, who seems to be having a hard time: It takes work to escape the comfort zone that keeps you making the same mistakes. (It's easier if you have the help of a good therapist, but people have …Read more.
The Uninvited
DEAR SUSAN: Your column on being left out of a couple's world has made me respond to an advice columnist for the first time in my life. The problem is much bigger than you seem to realize. When I was part of a couple, we did a lot of socializing. I …Read more.
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Comfort SexDEAR SUSAN: Since my divorce 16 years ago, most of the women I've dated won't see me again if I don't try to have sex with them. I don't see how having sex with multiple partners can evolve into a monogamous relationship, because you've already abused one of the most basic ingredients of a relationship, fidelity. — From the "Single File" blog DEAR BLOGGER: Monogamy requires control of one's impulses, strong respect for one's partner, and — gasp — emotional maturity. Willingness to wrestle sexual temptation to the mat is probably the truest test of one's character. And don't kid yourself; erotic hints are everywhere, beckoning with curved fingers to be naughty. Maybe that's the clue to infidelity: adolescent defiance of the rules. And what about sexually transmitted disease? Who can say who is afflicted? A brief encounter doesn't give enough time to get to know a partner's sexual history, to say nothing about getting to know the bedmate who's sharing your body! Think of it: A lifestyle of several such episodes must, by its numbers, ratchet up the odds of acquiring or transmitting one. Yet sexual plurality goes on, defiant and dangerous — and without meaning; it certainly isn't in the name of sexual freedom, not by a long shot! When sexual freedoms were first declared — and badly misunderstood — readers told me they felt confused, pressured to have sex they didn't want. Their letters inspired the Sexual Bill of Rights. (Ask me for your own copy, on parchment.) Don't get me wrong; monogamy isn't exactly a slam-dunk, not in this greener-grass society in which the other fellow's sex life always seems a tad sexier than your own. Which brings us back to emotional maturity. Ah, those mischievous impulses, those sexy Victoria's Secret images. What to do? If your relationship is good, stay with it. Fan the flames. Enjoy the heat — and the afterglow. DEAR SUSAN: Another bit of wisdom from dear old Dad.
DEAR BLOGGER: Your words ring true because they are born from experience — presumably from dear old Dad's life lore. (His son also has a pretty good head on his shoulders, having had the good sense to recognize and absorb wisdom passed down from generation to generation. I hope you'll do the same with your progeny.) I myself still treasure the truths passed along to me from my parents, and although the world has changed a bit (!), the fundamentals remain rock-solid. I agree that there isn't one soul mate out there for each of us, but I do believe there is a TYPE of person that attracts each of us. And that type may change as we change and grow. And the type deals with more things than the outer packaging. In my book, I ask readers to make two lists, the "musts" — qualities they absolutely MUST have in a soul mate (perhaps religion or race) — and a second list they're more flexible about (hair color, height, etc.). It's amazing how those two lists can clear one's head! But you've given us new ways to think and feel about ourselves, love and the world out there. It's all good. Have a question for Susan? Send it to her in care of this newspaper or online at www.creators.com. COPYRIGHT 2012 CREATORS.COM
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