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Later Love
DEAR SUSAN: My mom was in her late 50s when she found love again after divorcing my dad. She used an online dating site to find it — but this was before the site you mentioned existed. It seems a fine match, and they have been married for …Read more.
A Perfect 10
DEAR SUSAN: I had to laugh at the letter from a man describing himself as a "Richard Gere" looking for a woman who is a professional, intelligent and a perfect 10. The problem might just be in his math! I've noticed that men rate …Read more.
Choose Happiness
DEAR SUSAN: This positive advice is for a fellow blogger, who seems to be having a hard time: It takes work to escape the comfort zone that keeps you making the same mistakes. (It's easier if you have the help of a good therapist, but people have …Read more.
The Uninvited
DEAR SUSAN: Your column on being left out of a couple's world has made me respond to an advice columnist for the first time in my life. The problem is much bigger than you seem to realize. When I was part of a couple, we did a lot of socializing. I …Read more.
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Ageless AdviceDEAR SUSAN: In your 50s, 60s, 90s — whatever — dating does not encompass sex. Yes, you can have sex on the first, second, third date — whenever — but then it is no longer dating; it's called something else. And if you don't understand that, the value you give sex is pretty far down the scale. — "J.," from the "Single File" blog DEAR J.: Agreed, but that's not the whole story. What about the value you place on yourself, your body, your emotions? And what about your partner's feelings?! For as long as I've been obsessed with singleness, I have never heard from any reader that sex with a casual acquaintance left him or her feeling gratified. These were the silent partners, people who went against their better judgment and entered into a sexual coupling, seemingly agreeing to the farce but secretly hoping intimacy would bring the two of them closer. Sex wasn't casual for them. And from all I know of sex in the world of the unmarried, mutual bonding is the gold standard of sex. DEAR SUSAN: Blogger "J." doesn't seem to know what age group would be compatible with him. But if he were to approach women older than he is — especially significantly older ones — he'd be likelier to hit the demographic jackpot; after middle age, single women tend to outnumber single men. Besides, single women tend to be more financially secure and don't need a man for financial support, so they can afford to fall in love based on a man's merits. If he were to look for women significantly younger or about the same age as he is, he'd be competing with a far larger number of men who, regardless of their own age, are pursuing the youngest available women. — From the "Single File" blog DEAR BLOGGER: Clearly, you've crunched the dating numbers, but the big story comes later, when emotional needs are tallied. Every age — and stage — has its pluses and minuses, so J. would be wise to take time out before jumping into the dating scene. (I'm reminded of my building's handyman, who, when called to fix an electrical situation, paused and thought about what was to be done, seeing the whole picture before beginning work.
DEAR SUSAN: Happiness is a choice you make, and you can love and be loved in many types of relationships, not all of them romantic. No trainer worth his salt would tell a runner that if he trains hard enough, he WILL win the race — because the trainer cannot know that. He cannot know that the other runners aren't on steroids or that his runner won't trip and twist an ankle. Instead, he will advise the runner to train his hardest so he CAN win. In the same vein, no advice columnist can give someone a guaranteed path to meeting and winning Mr./Ms. Right, because a relationship involves two people, and you can control only yourself. — From the "Single File" blog DEAR BLOGGER: Life is a feast, a banquet. It's all out there, waiting to be digested and enjoyed. So why are so many people starving? Because they're afraid, beaten down by toxic parenting and schooling, striding into adulthood with a low self-image. They feel weak and unworthy of good things, good people, a good life. So they make a ho-hum marriage, never really enjoy their mate and children, and leave this life not knowing who they are or what they could have done with their time. Low self-image is the killer, a universal scourge. People can be happy with themselves, with life and with their choices if they widen their horizons. There's no guarantee they will find the love of their life, but as you so wisely state, happiness is a conscious choice, not an act of God. There are many types of affection in life, and gifting yourself with some of them can bring you to a really wonderful life. No, there is no guarantee of that. But walking out the door each morning with the realization might just bring good people in your life. Your smile and upbeat attitude can make you a love magnet. Try it. Have a question for Susan? Send it to her in care of this newspaper or online at www.creators.com. COPYRIGHT 2012 CREATORS.COM
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