Dear John: My husband and I separated after six years of marriage, and I'm wondering what ever motivated us to become a couple in the first place. He's a terrific guy, but we have virtually nothing in common. I thought opposites attract, but I guess it didn't work in our case. We're both still young, having just turned 30. I guess I'm wondering if I will ever find love again? Thanks in advance for your help. — What's Next? in Redmond, Wash.

Dear What's Next: What you have experienced is what a lot of relationship experts call a "starter marriage." When you read the statistics about the high failure rate of marriages, that rate would be cut almost in half if not for marriages by individuals who are between the ages of 18 and 29.

You should not for a moment blame each other. You were, I'm guessing, about 23 or 24 when you decided to marry, and it can be tough to know what we really want in a life partner that early in life.

That doesn't mean there are not loving couples who meet at 19, marry at 20 and spend 60 happy years together. There are exceptions to every rule. But 20-somethings see their marriages fail far more often than not because one or both partners don't realize what is really needed for a relationship to last.

As for opposites, generally, they attract in a rather limited way. Such as he likes sweet and you like tart tasting foods. Or he likes the beach and you like the mountains. But when opposite means you love all things intellectual and he loves all things physical or you love the spiritual life and that holds no interest for him at all, you're going to have difficulty. By our late 20s or early 30s, most of us have figured that out.

Take the time to better know yourself and who would truly fill the role as your life partner. You'll see that when you know yourself, finding your soul mate will be so much easier.

Dear John: I am going through a difficult divorce that has dragged on now for almost two years. Every aspect has been difficult and now, I have fallen for my lawyer. — Love and Law, in Sacramento, Calif.

Dear Love and Law: You are experiencing emotional vulnerability. You're are on the rebound, and your lawyer represents a "knight in shining armor" who is working to protect you. Discipline yourself to wait until this protracted legal battle is over then re-assess your feelings. At that time, you'll better know if your lawyer loves you or simply your billable hours!

John Gray is the author of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus." Visit his website, http://www.marsvenus.com, for advice on dating, marriage, parenting, romance and workplace issues. Or email him at [email protected]. To find out more about John Gray and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.