Dear John: I recently asked out a man from who I was getting signals of interest. To my surprise, he turned me down, stating that he was engaged and wondering where I got the idea that he was interested. Since I asked him, he has apologized at least ten times and hangs around chatting with me. He also told me that he would have never guessed that I'd ask him out. I don't understand this! I can't help but feel that he is sending me mixed signals. Have I just been misreading this all along? —Bewildered, in Seattle, Wash.

Dear Bewildered: When your inner chemistry is attracted to a potential mate, even the best radar systems can get crossed wires. Sometimes when you feel a strong attraction to someone, you can easily project feelings coming from them that in reality are reflections of your own desires.

As to his ongoing friendly response, remember that you have flattered his over-developed male ego and few things make a man more pleased than to know that they have drawn the attention of an attractive woman. This does not mean that he will throw over his current relationship, but he does love the idea of being the object of a woman's desire.

Dear John: I have been a friend of Shelly and her husband for about for six years. A month ago, she and I kissed on a weekend trip that her husband was not on. We have very strong feelings for one another, and she comes to my house almost daily. We haven't been intimate, but we've come very close.

I care deeply about her and know she has a miserable, abusive marriage. Am I doing the wrong thing by telling her to get a divorce, not just to be selfish but because I truly believe she would be much happier. —Meddling Because I Must, in Albany, N.Y.

Dear Meddling: If in fact she has an abusive relationship, your encouragement that she considers her situation would be something that a real friend would do. On the other hand, at this point, your input can no longer be viewed as objective. You would be well advised to suggest that she talk to a therapist or a trusted friend or family member to sort out her feelings.

It would be wise for both of you to return to a platonic relationship for at least a year after her separation. When a person first comes out of a long-term relationship, their fears or concerns can make them jump impulsively into their next relationship and perhaps make new mistakes. If you are truly her friend, you should give her the breathing room she needs to make decisions that are right for her, as opposed to being right for the two of you.

John Gray is the author of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus." Visit his website, http://www.marsvenus.com, for advice on dating, marriage, parenting, romance and workplace issues. Or email him at [email protected]. To find out more about John Gray and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.