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Responding to Poor Judgment
Dear Margo: This past year has been amazing for me. I successfully passed my first semester in college with a 4.0 while juggling friends and a job. I have a very goal-oriented boyfriend who is compassionate to boot! We have a lot in common and …Read more.
If It's Something Dire, You Will Know About It
Dear Margo: My husband is an only child in his late 30s. My father-in-law is terribly selfish. We live several states away, and because he's the only blood relative left, my spouse does his best to keep in touch with his father. It is rarely …Read more.
What's Up with That?
Dear Margo: I really don't know what to do about my mother. It's as though she's made a career out of not listening to what I say ... or she's dedicated herself to doing the opposite. Right after I told her I was going on a diet and staying away …Read more.
Guess What: Not Everyone Is Kind
Dear Margo: My husband, our children and I recently moved to a new town. Through the children, really, I've met a group of women. They apparently are longtime friends, and one of them invited me to their Wednesday mothers group for lunch. I have to …Read more.
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When Idiot Strangers SpeakDear Margo: Why do people feel the need to make comments about unusual numbers and sexes and looks of families? I am a mother of three daughters, one son and a stepdaughter. Invariably, when we're out, someone makes a comment. Before the birth of my son we would hear, "That's a lot of weddings" and "Are you going to keep going until you get a boy?" People would actually ask me if I wished one of my children were a boy! When I found out my fourth child was a boy, I began dreading the inevitable, and sure enough people did not disappoint. "Finally got that boy, huh?" I am so thankful to have my children and would have loved them no matter what the sex. Other mothers of large families also tell me of times they've been told, "You have your hands full" or "You already had a boy and a girl, why'd you keep going?" People also comment on my children's looks ... which one they find more aesthetically pleasing and their heights and age differences. A co-worker of mine who has a biological child that appears to be of a different race always gets asked if she's the child's nanny. And all of these comments are made right in front of the children. Please remind your readers that families come in all different sizes, colors and ages, and that a simple "You have a beautiful family" will suffice. — Lucky To Have My Children in N.Y. Dear Luck: What can I tell you? Some people are dumb and think it's fine to say whatever they're thinking. I believe a suitable way to show your displeasure with such inappropriate musings would be to knit your eyebrows together, give them the fish-eye and say nothing.
Taking a Break and Waiting it Out Dear Margo: When I began dating my boyfriend, he would remark occasionally that he would never love again, that he had no heart to give anymore. His ex-girlfriend, whom he was with for four years, did quite the number on him when she dumped him. I was hurt to hear him say those things, and now, nine months later, I realize it might be true. He's admitted he doesn't love me, but that he "cares." He's not very tender, he doesn't like to kiss, and he has never hugged me (the only exception being when we lie in bed to watch TV, he puts his arm around me). What doesn't make sense is that while he has admitted to not being in love with me, he can be caring and thoughtful. He claims to be a very emotional person, but I have never seen any evidence of that. He is sweet, a gentleman, brilliant and entrepreneurial, and has taught me a great deal, both intellectually and emotionally. I am stupidly in love with him, but I am desperate for someone to hold me and tell me they love me. I have no idea what to do. I have never felt this way before, but knowing that he doesn't love me has left me broken. — Downtrodden in Florida Dear Down: I sympathize with your dilemma. It sounds as though this man has much to recommend him, but he has basically told you he doesn't have it in him to love again. I suspect he won't feel this way forever, but for now the situation is no good for you. Perhaps suggest that you two take a break so he can figure out whether he needs you in his life. If you stick around with this arrangement, he will break your heart. — Margo, sensibly Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers' daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to dearmargo@creators.com. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered. COPYRIGHT 2009 MARGO HOWARD DISTRIBUTED BY CREATORS.COM
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