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Annie's Mailbox®, October 15
Dear Annie: I'm a 14-year-old girl who is having relationship problems. My new boyfriend and I just hooked up over the weekend. "Carter" and I go to church together, and he has always been my best friend. I was too shy to ask him out myself, so I had my friend "Justin" help me.
We got together while our youth group met at church. Everything was going perfectly. We were holding hands and cuddling. But on Sunday morning during greeting at church, Justin came up to me and said Carter told him I'm weird to be with and there's another girl he likes more.
Justin isn't very happy with Carter, and neither am I. We both talked to my mother, and she said I should back off and let Carter chase after me if he's interested. She says she doesn't want me to appear too easy. Is she right? What should I do? — Perfect Relationship Gone Wrong
Dear Perfect: Listen to your mother. Spending a morning holding hands and cuddling does not constitute a relationship. Carter was interested enough to check you out, but apparently not enough to consider you his girlfriend. It's also possible Justin is giving you inaccurate information. Either way, it's best if you let Carter make the next move.
Dear Annie: I find trick-or-treating annoying. I was raised in a religious group that didn't celebrate Halloween. My mother hated having to answer the door constantly and took out her anger on me. I once suggested we stop opening the door or put up a sign saying, "No Trick-or-Treating here, please," but she wouldn't. I think she was afraid they'd throw eggs.
My brother and I still find it irritating. I don't want my doorbell ringing all night. I don't want to get up and open the door over and over. I'm sure I'm not the only one. Think of those who are disabled or have just brought home a new baby or are caring for a sick child. Answering the door all evening is an unwanted imposition. I also resent these kids coming onto my property asking for candy. I think it's just plain wrong.
What can I do to keep them away? I don't want them to graffiti my property or toilet paper my trees. I can grab them if they do, but if the police are busy, they might not come and then I'd be stuck with the kids indefinitely.
Could you put up some kind of warning in your column asking parents not to let their kids trick-or-treat unless they know the homeowner? — Elizabeth, N.J.
Dear N.J.: It's too bad you can't enjoy greeting children with a smile and brightening their day once a year. Most parents supervise their kids and prefer they stay within familiar territory. And most kids will skip unwelcoming homes where the lights are off or the treat is a breath mint. But if you are concerned about becoming the neighborhood curmudgeon, put out a generous basket of candy on your front steps with a big sign saying, "Please don't ring bell. Take a piece of candy. Happy Halloween." Refill it once or twice at your leisure. When the basket is empty, the kids will know the cupboard is bare.
Dear Annie: I completely disagree with your response to "Just Wondering in Indiana," who was bothered by the tooth-brusher in the bowling alley restroom.
You never know someone's personal situation. What if that young girl recently underwent oral surgery and was required to keep her teeth brushed after eating?
"Indiana" should take a bottle of hand sanitizer with her and use that to cleanse her hands because brushing one's teeth is hardly the worst thing that happens in a public bathroom. — Pennsylvania
Dear Pennsylvania: We were surprised by the number of people who like to brush in public places. As we said, if there is a good reason to be brushing in the restroom, fine, but in general, personal hygiene should be done at home, and we are sticking with that.
Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611. To find out more about Annie's Mailbox, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.
COPYRIGHT 2009 CREATORS.COM
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Comments
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17 Comments | Post Comment
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LW2 - Boy, aren't you the local neighborhood grouch. Turn the porch lights off. It works in most neighborhoods. I certainly wouldn't want MY kids coming anywhere close to your house. ___ LW3 - The ladies are wrong again. If personal hygiene is to be done only at home, should we not use restrooms or wash our hands after doing so in public places? After all, that's personal hygiene. If they find brushing one's teeth in a restroom disgusting, what about the activities that the restroom is designed for? They are a lot less appealing than teeth-brushing, and in men's bathrooms some of them are not done in complete privacy. If you can pee in front of others, you can certainly brush your teeth in front of them. It's a bathroom, for goodness sake! It's not like people are brushing their teeth at their desks or in common lunch rooms.
Comment: #1
Posted by: Ariana
Wed Oct 14, 2009 9:37 PM
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Elizabeth - What a sweetheart you must be. Geeze. You may not celebrate Halloween and you're entitled to as much. Such are the rights of any American. However you've no right to take it out on children who know to treat the holiday as a time to play at being creatures and people of all kinds. It's a chance for many of us to indulge in that sort of play no matter the age. If you do not wish to participate in the festivities simply turn off your porch light and, to assure that no children will be traumatized by your harshness, you may consider putting up a sign (politely phrased!) that you do not wish to be bothered. I do feel for you... truly. It saddens me to know that some one cannot find joy in the sweetness of a child being just that - a child. Your mother not only lost out on it but trained you to do the same by what, for most of us, amounts to abuse. She taught you to associate the holiday with anger. This really is not a healthy thing. You sound like you need to learn how to take joy in life, no matter the form no matter the form.
Comment: #2
Posted by: Anathema
Wed Oct 14, 2009 11:00 PM
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Dear Annie i am writing about the Halloween artical.I think that this woman needs to losen up.Halloween only happens once a year so why is she puttin a damper in the halloween spirt.What is she going to say next that the kids should know that there is no Santa Claus.THe easter bunny is not real that the tooth Fairy dosen't exist.Halloween is just for the kids and a Disabled person can answer a door why can't she.If she's doesn't like Halloween oh well don't ruin it for all the kids.Just don't kill halloween the world is so bad now why hurt the kids from doing something that they enjoy doin.
Comment: #3
Posted by: Laura
Thu Oct 15, 2009 4:47 AM
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LW2 -- Been carrying that anger over being denied trick-or-treating as a kid a long time, haven't you?
You know, it's your choice how you want to see something. You can regard Halloween as a horrible imposition on you -- having to buy that candy and put it in a basket with a sign at the door....or you can look at it as a chance to delight in the kids' costumes and excitement, and maybe even meet your neighbors, all for less than $10.
I actually did have a new baby one year at Halloween, and I still enjoyed seeing the trick-or-treaters.
I've not yet heard of a house being soaped, or worse, for failure to participate. These days, a lot of people just aren't home for trick-or-treat -- vacations, working late, kids' events, whatever. The kids prefer to spend their limited hours of trick or treat in visiting more homes rather than vandalizing the non-participants.
Comment: #4
Posted by: hedgehog
Thu Oct 15, 2009 5:11 AM
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I also object to Halloween, both as one who believes in healthy eating and as a Christian. I've tried leaving the porch light and front room lights off. Doesn't work--they still come. I left a basket out one year with a sign that says "take one." One child came, looked to make sure nobody else was around and emptied the whole thing. Now I give out healthy snacks--a little more expensive, but worth it to get something good into the kids. Or I give out "treats" with a Christian message: pencils with a Bible verse, refrigerator magnets with words of wisdom. I turn the annoyance into an opportunity to share something worthwhile. If you don't want to be bothered, perhaps you can persuade your church to sponsor some kind of event that evening, or just go out for dinner so you'll be out of the house.
Comment: #5
Posted by: Treater in Virginia
Thu Oct 15, 2009 5:32 AM
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For dental hygiene in a public restroom. Sorry Annie but I wear braces and sometimes I need to brush after a meal and it is not like I can just dash home to do it. Everyone, kids and adults alike, are supposed to brush after eating. Do we want folks to skip meals, the kids lunch time at school, in order to avoid brushing their teeth in the restroom? Strange.
As for Holloween. My kids did the bit for a few years but it is not really their thing so then they enjoyed handing out the candy. We know just take the evening as an opportunity to go out for dinner or go to the movies. When we return the neighborhood is all quiet once again. Leave candy on the doorstep if you like or just leave all the lights out to indicate your house is unavailable. The majority of people will respect that and if you are not there then you won`t know if they don`t.
Comment: #6
Posted by: Kelsey
Thu Oct 15, 2009 6:41 AM
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Can soemone please explain to me how or why Halloween is at odds with Christianity? Halloween has roots in the Celtic festival of Samhain and the Christian holy day of All Saints' Day. So, why are the "Christians" so up in arms about a fun, harmless holiday? I don't get it.
Comment: #7
Posted by: Rick
Thu Oct 15, 2009 7:59 AM
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To LW2: Turn your front porch light off. That's pretty much a universal sign that trick or treaters aren't welcome. I've never passed out candy as an adult homeowner, and I've never had a single person ring my doorbell or knock on my door on halloween. I've also never had my house or property vandalised in any way.
Comment: #8
Posted by: Jenn
Thu Oct 15, 2009 8:42 AM
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Kathy & Marcy - I couldn't believe you said to leave a large basket full of candy out for trick-or-treaters! Some kid is going to just dump the whole thing in their bag. Just turn the lights off, and don't answer the door - they'll get the message.
Comment: #9
Posted by: Jonie
Thu Oct 15, 2009 8:47 AM
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I was saddened to read about Liz's view of Halloween and trick-or-treaters. This will be our first Halloween in a very quiet neighborhood and I know I am going to miss seeing the kidlets in their costumes. For years we were in a community where 200-300 trick-or-treaters was the norm and we loved it! My husband and I set up a table out in the driveway and enjoyed meeting neighbors and parents. I guess it is all in your attitude and approach.
Comment: #10
Posted by: cathyd
Thu Oct 15, 2009 9:06 AM
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Wow, the ladies who write this column must have the sort of foul breath that can fell a water buffalo at ten paces.
Anyone who seriously freaks out about ANYONE brushing their teeth in a bathroom is someone who should drop everything else and rush to a therapist to get help.
Comment: #11
Posted by: Lily
Thu Oct 15, 2009 10:05 AM
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Re: Rick--The idea that Christianity is at odds with Halloween is a pretty recent thing. People started to buy into the urban legends that Halloween was Satanic, and suddenly some churches started trying to have alternative celebrations. My SIL wouldn't let her kids trick or treat, but I have a feeling that her grandkids are doing it because their mom felt like she missed out. My first kiss was on a Halloween hayride sponsored by the Baptist church. The men of the church fixed up a haunted house out in the country, and it was a fun night. As a good Christian friend of mine said (who loved all the holidays because of the kids), if somebody could prove that one child ever turned to Satanism because of trick or treating, he'd stop passing out the candy. Until then, he loved stocking up on candy and welcoming the neighbor kids. ***(Wish we had the paragraph option.)***We don't get trick or treaters much where we live now, and I miss them. When we did get them, I would turn off the porch light at 9 p.m., and I told my son not to go to houses with the lights off. The only time I worried about somebody egging my house was the time I couldn't get to the store before all the candy was gone (I was hugely pregnant and had worked all day), and I had to hand out boxes of raisins. I could hear the kids telling each other, "Yuck. She's giving out RAISINS." I didn't blame them. I'd rather have a chocolate bar than raisins myself. The Halloween mischief is, IMO, an urban legend, too. Little kids don't carry around eggs or TP to take revenge on somebody who doesn't give them candy. And, of course, the poisoned candy/needles in apples, etc. are urban legends, too.
Comment: #12
Posted by: Joannakathryn
Thu Oct 15, 2009 11:13 AM
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Um... Hello but did I miss something?? Why didn't anybody mention to the Halloween-hater that holding other people's children hostage is illegal? She states she could "grab them" if need be but that if the police are busy that she'd be "stuck with the kids indefinitely". If some neighborhood witch held my children I don't care what they did I can guarantee I'd be pressing charges against her.
Comment: #13
Posted by: Jessica
Thu Oct 15, 2009 12:53 PM
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RE: Trick or treaters. When I was growing up, we once made the mistake of going to a house that had the porch lights off, we didn't realize that the lights off meant "please don't ring the bell, we're done for the night." We got a scolding from the home owner that we should've known better. If we had realized that, we would've not visited the house. After that, I never visited a house with no lights on. So in later years, when we got done passing out candy, we turned off the lights and were hardly bothered. We would politely explain to kids who didn't understand what lights off meant.
This last halloween, we went out for the night and my wife left our porch light on in a duplex. Our neighbor was a little irritated, because they had their lights off and didn't want to be bothered, I had to explain the policy to my wife. She had never heard of such a thing. So for your readers, could you just give them a friendly reminder that if they don't want trick or treaters, leave your porch light off, and if someone happens to bother them, politely explain or just not answer the door. And to the trick or treaters, if you come up to a house with no porch light on, please don't bother them.
Comment: #14
Posted by: don
Thu Oct 15, 2009 1:33 PM
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Re: Lily
Lily,
You are very harsh. Human beings have been known to go a few hours without teeth brushing without developing breath so bad that livestock are harmed. You certainly exaggerate...you might have heard this from your friends?
Even Miss Maners agrees that public tooth brushing should be avoided. If you have special needs, do it, but clean up after yourself.
Comment: #15
Posted by: Judy Nadolny
Thu Oct 15, 2009 9:04 PM
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LW2 needs to lighten up, or turn the lights off. I disagree that leaving a large bowl of candy will do the trick, (no pun intended) since one kid will just bag it all in one shot, plus it forces the home owner to participate, although non-enthousiastically, in a tradition she does not enjoy or believe in. As a kid, my parents taught me to stick to the neighborhood I lived in, but I was not limited to only the people's homes I knew, otherwise trick or treating would be pointless: you're supposed to not know the people, it's part of the whole experience...But you should also avoid the darkened houses because it means they don't want to participate for one reason or another. Oh yeah, and I was also raised Catholic, went to church for Easter and Christmas, lent, ash wednesday and palm sunday and took part in those traditions too, so stop tooting your horn about being "christian". I don't buy that crap. And another thing: Hallowe'en (not a typo, it actually is spelled like this properly) is not just for kids, lots of adults enjoy it too.
Comment: #16
Posted by: Marie-Claude
Fri Oct 16, 2009 11:44 AM
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You people are being too hard on the home-owner who doesn't like trick or treaters. There is so much nonsense in these comments I hardly know where to begin. First of all, it's not true that Halloween has no connection to Satanism..there are plenty of people out there of that bent who take it very seriously as such - some of them live in the community where I grew up and I have heard the tales from local law enforcement. Second, some people don't think encouraging children to knock on the doors of strangers asking for treats is necessarily a wise thing to do, especially depending on what neighborhood you live in. Third, she's right to be concerned about her house being egged or otherwise vandalized - it's not the four and five-year-olds who are doing this, but the older kids - 13 and up - who are performing these "pranks." Some of them are too old to be trick-or-treating, but can't seem to let go of the idea of free candy. Those are the ones who carry eggs and TP for "non-participants." And some of them actually go around stealing candy from the younger kids - this happened to me the last year I went. Fourth, the homeowner indeed has the right to "hold" kids caught vandalizing her property - it is called making a citizen's arrest. I really wish more of you would think before you speak.
Comment: #17
Posted by: Matt
Fri Oct 16, 2009 9:51 PM
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