Fed Up With 3-D by Movie Reviewers on Creators.com

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Fed Up With 3-D

Three-dimensional cheerleaders have really scraped the bottom of the barrel with this one — and I do mean bottom. The fourth installment of the "Spy Kids" series, starring Jessica Alba and Jeremy Piven, took a note from the amusement-park playbook and included a scratch-and-sniff card with the price of admission. That's great and innovative...if one had a nose for dirty diapers and the like.

This wallet robbery has gone on long enough. For a cinematic scheme that often costs more to produce than the GDP of many countries, and then demonstrates itself in a blurry, haphazard way, 3-D ought to be saved for only certain experiences. When every doggone C-list flick ("The Smurfs," "Gnomeo & Juliet," "Drive Angry 3D") gets in on the act, it loses its uniqueness.

Considering that about 4 to 10 percent of all sighted moviegoers cannot adequately adapt to the effect (including actor Johnny Depp, whose "Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides" was a 3-D summer blockbuster but kind of a bummer script-wise), it's downright alienating. Sit in the wrong section of the theater, and one cannot fully visualize the sight gags being tossed at the audience. Not to mention the $5-$7.50 surcharge on top of the $10 or so price tag one must incur to even attend one of these shows.

Films akin to the scope of "Avatar," the highest-grossing movie of all time, might (and that's a hesitant "might") warrant the extra-dimensional ploy. To know that James Cameron has given his blessing to Peter Jackson's production of two "Hobbit" films in 3-D is reason to get excited.

As seen in his multiple, award-winning "Lord of the Rings" trilogy, Jackson and his Weta Digital special-effects team are already light years ahead of the competition. To hear that he'll be filming the prequels at 48 frames per second, streamlining the often-wobbly 3-D sensation, is a relief.

The only other genre that seems to lend itself to 3-D is horror. Eschewing the now run-of-the-mill concept of making 3-D atmospheric rather than gimmicky, horror movies in 3-D retain the fun of the effect. Remember the first time you saw "Captain EO" at Disneyland and reached out for the cute, flying rodent and then cowered at Anjelica Huston's spidery villain? Today's 3-D doesn't provide that same rush ... unless a shiny cleaver wielded by a lunatic appears to come down on your head. Cheesy as it may seem, I would take the literally eye-popping gore of "My Bloody Valentine" than the dopey, disappointedly flat antics of the "Despicable Me" minions. Directors in all genres have the tools to make a truly gripping 3-D environment. Why forfeit edge-of-your-seat viewing for mere prettiness?

And why forfeit good storytelling for visual cotton candy? It might elicit a few oohs and aahs, but on the whole, it's a sticky situation for the paying customer and the frazzled industry. Three-D has become a catch-22: Do the consumers want more because producers keep giving it to them, or do filmmakers keep going that route because moviegoers are demanding it? Maybe it's about time to break the status quo and demand a return to plain ol' 2-D masterpieces.

To find out more about Melissa Bobbitt and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.