Dear John: I am 47, and my girlfriend Carol is 45. Both of us have been married and divorced. Neither one of us has had any relationship over the past two years. After being together for three months, I am totally in love with Carol, and I have told her this. We both agree that this relationship is the healthiest and most satisfying we have ever been in, but Carol has not said that she loves me.

When asked, she says she has never felt like this before, and it scares her to say how she feels. I still, however, want her to say that she loves me. Should I back off and give her more time to figure this out on her own or keep pressing? —At A Crossroads, in Baton Rogue, La.

Dear Crossroads: As you probably suspect, Carol's reluctance to utter those three little words may be rooted in her past failed relationship. Many of us carry wounds from such disappointments. She may fear that uttering the words "I love you" will open the door to future disappointment. A heart that has been hurt is often not easily given.

At the same time, I think that both of you are clearly on the road to a wonderful relationship. That said, my advice is don't press. Give yourself lovingly, and show her how much she means to you. Time will bring the result you are seeking, and in the end, your patience will be rewarded.

Dear John: I was chatting online with someone who I like very much, but it fell apart the day we met. I did not make a good first impression because, to tell the truth, I was nervous. Now he won't call or email me. I'm certain he would like me if he got to know me! What he saw that day wasn't my very best. What can I do to get a second chance without looking too aggressive or desperate? —Wanting A Second Chance, in Portland, Ore.

Dear Second Chance: At this point, your only option is to act from the heart. If you know how to reach him through conventional mail, send him a handwritten note that expresses your feelings. Ask for that second meeting because you see a chance for the two of you to connect.

If that does not work, move on. He should see the courage of your character in reconnecting in this fashion. If that does not mean something to him, then he is not the kind and generous person from your online relationship or the person you clearly deserve.

John Gray is the author of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus." Visit his website, http://www.marsvenus.com, for advice on dating, marriage, parenting, romance and workplace issues. Or email him at [email protected]. To find out more about John Gray and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.