Afraid to Commit at 50 by John Gray on Creators.com

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Afraid to Commit at 50

Dear John: I am a 50-year-old single man who owns my own business. Recently, I started seeing a woman who lives nearby. I explained that I saw myself as a loner and in fact, had not had a relationship in the past 15 years. I also said that I felt that a transition would be necessary for me to make room in my life for another person.

After a few dates and evenings together, she now seems to think that a day without my company is wasted. I, however, still enjoy an evening alone or a weekend doing whatever I want. This Friday evening, she joined me as I watched baseball and left after the game was over. Saturday and Sunday I didn't call her. By Monday, she had called to ask if I didn't want to see her anymore!

I know that if this relationship is to survive, we need to establish a friendship, but I feel pressured by her desire to spend so much time with me. What should I do? — Needing My Space, in Louisville, Ky.

Dear Needing My Space: Every relationship exerts a certain limit on our lives. At the same time, a good relationship expands our universe as well.

The real question comes down to this: What do you want for your future? The attraction that you feel to this person is the determining factor, not that your single at 50 or that you have not had a relationship for a long time. If you give your time to this person out of a sense of guilt or obligation, you will not have a happy partnership.

Successful relationships need your care, attention and devotion.

When and if someone comes along that merits all that effort, believe me, you will know it.

Dear John: Why do nice guys lie to get sex? And once a man has gotten intimate, why does he proceed to lead a female down a twisted road of lies that ultimately end with her loving him — despite the fact that he doesn't love her? — Answer Please, in Atlanta, Ga.

Dear Answer Please: For many guys, sex is the goal line in the game of love. The "twisted road of lies," as you call it, is his way of crossing that line as many times as he can before you call a halt to the game. For most men, attraction starts below the waist and works its way up to the heart and mind. For most women, attraction starts in the mind and heart and then heads south. You're going to meet a lot of men who don't want to get serious in a relationship because they want to play out their romantic options.

Life experience helps you to tell the difference from the guys who just want a physical relationship and the guys who want that and much more. Most times, a woman senses this but chooses to ignore her instincts. You have to decide if you want to keep these relationships going or if you're ready to wait for a guy who makes it clear that he wants your heart and your mind as well as your body.

John Gray is the author of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus." Visit his website, http://www.marsvenus.com, for advice on dating, marriage, parenting, romance and workplace issues. Or email him at comments@marsvenus.com. To find out more about John Gray and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.