Virtual Gifts for Naughty (and a Few Nice) Celebrity Boys and Girls by Marilyn Beck & Stacy Jenel Smith on Creators.com

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Virtual Gifts for Naughty (and a Few Nice) Celebrity Boys and Girls

With 2007 going down as a celebrity year that's light on sugar, heavy on spice, full of naughty with only so much nice, certain stars better watch out. Santa's Tinsel Town Bad List is pretty long. 'Course, there are some stars so good that extra sugarplums are in order. With that in mind, it's time to pass out some virtual gifts that certain famous kiddies can really use!

(SET BOLD) Vanessa Hudgens, (END BOLD) who had to pose for those racy shots before they could find their way to the Internet — A copy of Chef Gordon Ramsay's "Playing with Fire."

(SET BOLD) Jamie Lynn Spears (END BOLD) — A copy of Deborah Davis' book "You Look Too Young to be a Mom: Teen Mothers on Love, Learning and Success."

(SET BOLD) Britney Spears (END BOLD) — A copy of the special "Almost Human with Jane Goodall," in which Goodall points out that the chimpanzees "are more mother than some human mothers."

(SET BOLD) Don Imus (END BOLD) — A smack-talking, Afro-sporting Angela Davis Black Panther live action figure.

(SET BOLD) David Caruso (END BOLD) — A consult with the "Nip/Tuck" docs for a different expression already. Surgery seems to be the only way.

(SET BOLD) "Brothers & Sisters," (END BOLD) deemed boring this season despite storylines including politics, divorce, addiction, the Iraq War and homosexuality — A harpoon to kill the shark it jumped.

(SET BOLD) Bobby Brown, (END BOLD) acting up and acting out on yet another reality show, CMT's "Gone Country" debuting Jan. 25. — A lifetime restraining order from coming within 100 feet of any reality show.

(SET BOLD) Flava Flav (END BOLD) — Same thing, only make that consecutive lifetime restraining orders, cause this guy has more lives than a cat.

(SET BOLD) Daniel Baldwin (END BOLD) — A ladder to get back up on the bandwagon.

(SET BOLD) Ellen DeGeneres, who broke down on TV over a dog taken away from her hairdresser, and her fans, who made death threats to the animal agency involved (END BOLD) — A reality check!

(SET BOLD) Zac Efron (END BOLD) — John Travolta's grace and longevity.

(SET BOLD) "Survivor: Fiji's" Andre "Dreamz" Herd, (END BOLD) who took the $60,000 Ford Truck from Yau-Man with a promise to give up the immunity necklace and then reneged — A copy of The O'Jay's classic '70s hit "Backstabber."

(SET BOLD) Chris Crocker, Britney Spears's (END BOLD) tearful defender on the Internet — A life of your own.

(SET BOLD) Tyra's Top Models (END BOLD) — An IQ minimum.

(SET BOLD) Rap Videos (END BOLD) — An SQ (skank quotient) maximum.

(SET BOLD) Miley Cyrus, (END BOLD) who broke records all year with one concert ticket being scalped for $2,565 — A lightning rod to keep her grounded.

Make that a cautionary lightning rod, inscribed with Paris's, Lindsay's and Britney's names.

(SET BOLD) Ellen Page, (END BOLD) who wowed moviegoers as a pregnant teen "Juno," Michael Cera, who was poignantly sweet as her baby daddy in that film, and a convincing knucklehead in "Superbad," Chris Brown, who proved he can act as well as sing and dance, and Emile Hirsch, who lost 40 pounds and gained legions of fans with his "Into the Wild" performance — The brilliant careers their obvious talents warrant.

(SET BOLD) OJ Simpson (END BOLD) — A copy of Dr. Seuss's "Marvin K. Mooney Will You Please Go Now."

(SET BOLD) Kiefer Sutherland, Eve, Tracy Morgan, Nicole Richie, and the rest of the DUI League (END BOLD) — One on one meetings with MADD, Mothers Against Drunk Drivers.

(SET BOLD) Indie 500 champ Helio Castroneves, (END BOLD) who broke off his engagement to Aliette Vazquez just hours after taking home the "Dancing with the Stars" trophy — A ride in someone else's shoes.

(SET BOLD) Amy Winehouse (END BOLD) — An all-expense paid trip to the beautiful island of rehab. No, no, no!

(SET BOLD) Pamela Anderson and Rick Soloman, (END BOLD) who recently got married, then filed for divorce, then made up — A copy of Kelly Clarkson's song "Just Walk Away."

(SET BOLD) Jessica Simpson, (END BOLD) who came to a Dallas Cowboys game to see boyfriend Tony Romo play and he had the worst game of his life — A flat-screen TV so she can comfortably watch the games from home.

(SET BOLD) Paris Hilton, (END BOLD)who came out of jail claiming to be a changed woman interested in public service — A one-way ticket to Africa, where she can stay out of the tabloids and help starving children.

(SET BOLD) John C. Reilly (END BOLD) — A copy of Etta James's "At Last," in honor of finally getting the attention he deserves and proving himself as a leading comedic actor in "Walk Hard."

(SET BOLD) Kid Rock, (END BOLD) who tussled with Tommy Lee at the MTV Video Music Awards in Las Vegas and also got arrested on battery charges in Georgia after he and his pals allegedly beat up another customer at an Atlanta waffle house — A taste of his own hot maple syrup, poured all over.

(SET BOLD) The many stars who give their time, energy and financial support to charities and causes that make a positive difference (END BOLD) — Happy holidays, prosperity and joy.

With reports by Stephanie DuBois and Emily Feimster.

To find out more about Marilyn Beck and Stacy Jenel Smith and read their past columns, visit the Creators Syndicate web page at www.creators.com.

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